2006-01-05 - 10:44 a.m.

Gump Loves Resolutions

When I started writing this I never imagined that this would be my third New Years Entry. Thanks for everyone who reads. I seriously hope this is a great new year.



At least for me.



Here are my resolutions from 2003
Here are my resolutions from 2004

For the year of 2006 I will resolve to:

1) Stop convincing people Homey Potter and Da Snitch'n Bitches is a racist book.

2) Stop treating toothpaste and semen the same, regardless of similarity.

3) Continue calling windchimes �nature�s bungee cord�.

4) Continue calling my boss �Snakelips�.

5) Realize my lazy servants aren�t real. Though they remain real lazy.

6) Stop whispering to little children at sea world that the fish that trainers feed to the sea animals are both alive and former stars of �Finding Nemo.�

7) Waste my time finishing the painting of �Zombie Fraggles vs Vampire Robots�

8) Realize that figments of my imagination do not make good Halloween costumes.

9) Stop the tradition of painting my �golly green giant� on St. Patrick�s Day.

10) Realize that Retarded people have feelings too. Its just that their feelings are retarded.

11) Finally trap the fat man that the natives have dubbed �Santa�

12) Find every pair of 2007 sunglasses and destroy them.

13) Work-out four times a day.

14) Capture the infernal Llama that�s been spitting on my car.

15) Stop drinking and fighting. One or the other; it�s a waste of beer.

16) I will make an enemy out of a friend. We shall become nemesis. I will then shave my pubic hair into a letter to symbolize my power over him. The Letter, unfortunately, will be �Q�

17) Every time a bell rings I will lasso a cat.

18) Gump entries centered around a hangman theme. The spelling game... For Example _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .

19) To wear boots on my hands.

20) To wear boots on YOUR hands.

21) Learn how to dance like a Tauren. (which I have learned is the Peanut Butter Jelly dance )

22) Create a website and update it regularly.

23) Find out why �Cream Savers� are neither containers nor floatation devices.

24) Bring the Cigarette Smoking Man onto Lost.

25) Change the lyrics from �Everyone�s working for the Weekend� to �Everyone�s working for the Webelos� and in turn put America in the hands of children unable to tie proper sailor knots, thus creating navel disasters worldwide.

26) Try to invent Chess.

27) Post my resolutions before the 31st so I don�t have an unfair head start. SUCKAS!

28) Start writing the Great America Novela. (Novela: the chick of novels.)

29) Start naming other people�s kids.

30) Never leave Mini Tacos out on the internet for more than 3 days.

31) Become the Connoisseur of Cunnilingus.

32) Start giving my friends other appropriate lordly titles. (Duke of Dumping, , Marquess of Magic Viscount of Video Record Devices, Baron of Blumpkin)

33) Create a game so complicated that no one can play.

34) Create a car so fuel efficient, no one will drive it.

And my top New Year�s Resolution is:

35) Create a video on the internet that is really, really stupid.

before - After

27 comments so far