2003-12-31 - 1:10 p.m. 2003 KNEW YEAHZ REZULUSHUNZ 2003 KNEW YEAHZ REZULUSHUNZ 1) I promise to no longer toss my poop at my roommates when they are bugging me. 2) I will try and not to drink 12 beers, get into a fistfight, and then go to work. 3) I will learn the difference between CD-R and CD-RW and CD-W 4) I will only puke when I have to. 5) I will no longer spell �during� �durling� 6) I will no longer call my girlfriend �durling� instead of �darling� 7) I will eat less Fraggles. 8) I will sell my lightsaber and buy my self �hulk hands� 9) I will no longer masturbate. 10) I will make better entries, that are sensible. 11) I will talk to all my friends as if they were my enemies. 12) I will finally write my thesis, based on the following principle, �If I keep my enemies closer than my friends, then I should have more sex with my Nemesis than my girlfriend� I will be the Dr. Phil of infidelity. 13) I will avoid being caught calling my girlfriend her pet names like �honeybear� �bearclaw� �sweet pea� �Pear Juice� �Pickle Leg� �Drum line� �Dirty� and �Man-whore.� 14) Despite its Historic significance, I will not buy Gilgi. 15) No more Strippers before breakfast. 16) I must not dance at my cubicle. This makes me look both odd and white. 17) I must separate myself from the Red Sox. 18) They aren�t allowed to ruin my Summer before it�s even winter. 19) I will stop placing Gords over my crotch in the supermarket, unless I intend to buy said gord. 20) I will make all my own clothes. 21) Pre-owned DVD�s are okay. Pre-owned Condoms are not. (even if they did shrink wrap them!) 22) No more fish sticks before bed time. They give you nightmare�s Gump. 23) I will work out three times a day. 24) If you see someone who is happy, you will try to make their life more miserable. 25) You have picked on Yin long enough. It�s Yangs turn. 26) You will create a holiday and not observe it. 27) 27 down, 1976 to go 28) You will change your ring tone from the �buffoon� to the �baboon� 29) More Jello Wrestling with women, less Rough Riding with men. 30) You will buy your girlfriend a gift on Valentine�s day that does not have the word �sexual� in it. 31) Snow Tubing; it�s skiing for the lazy 32) You will stop saying something is �lost forever� until you at least try looking for it. 33) You will not cheat to get the job done. 66) You will bend the rules. 124) You will reveal your true porn name to people. (Rumpleforeskin is my porn name) 249) You will be most sensitive to the needs of others, and less sensitive to the wants of the voices in your head that tell you to burn your poop in acid wash jeans. 499) Make these entries more interesting to the common man. Write about things like carpentry, lice, and overalls. 1999) Make a resolution to Party like its (see the left) 2000) Make two movies about the same thing and release them at the same time. Declare the one that does better to be �Lord of the Theater� and the other one to be �Son of Gilgi� 2001) Guns, Booze, woodland creatures, and campfires. Things you have neglected; things you need to mix more. 2002) Come up with at least 3 new Catch Phrases like, �Chilaxing� �Move it like the Movies� and �Flamers gotta Flame� 2003) Never make a Survey that is this bad again, but make your readers do it anyway. Happy New Year Everyone. I really hope ya�ll have a fucken ferocious New Year�s party, and I will catch you in 2004. Take Care, be safe, and listen to the Gump. Final Advice for 2003 �The ones that don�t want to wear the condoms, are the ones you gotta make sure wear the condoms.� | |||||||||||
