2005-12-19 - 2:09 p.m.

In Boston, this is LESS offensive.

First of all, realize that Retarded is slang in Boston for �stupid or drunk�

That was wicked retahed = stupid
I was wicked retahed = drunk

Of course the line between drunk and stupid is about as blurry as the line between the age old question �If you have anal sex before vaginal sex, are you still a virgin?�

Incidentally, I say no. But I know a few guys who have gotten some out of this and the girl still dare call herself �virginical.� (Actually no one ever calls themselves �virgincal�, but it�s a fun non-word that I made up.)

Anyway the point of that was to make sure you understood this entry should be flagged �may offend� or �not P.C.� or �Totally Intolerant,� but hey� its Christmas.

I was eating dinner last night and the table behind us was a large birthday party. There was a man that turned around and started talking to the waitress and Shelly and I debated on whether he was retarded or English.

She, with the better view, took the pro-English stance.

I, with less of a view, took the pro-down syndrome stance.

First of all there were words coming out that were completely incomprehensible. So that�s a push.

Next the teeth were just horrible. But that was also a push. I mean, we all know that some (older in particular) Englishman are known for terrible, terrible teeth. But it�s not like the mentally challenged are known for their pearly whites either. What parent is going to pull the trigger on getting their slow kid braces? �I think people will see back your physical and mental challenges if you just had better teeth�� No. Its like getting Heller Keller a Revlon kit.

Next was the inexplicit touching of the waitress while trying to communicate something. Again, it�s a push. Both a drunk elderly Englishman, and a retarded person would both be very hands on when trying to explain their request.

The person was very jovial when communicating often letting out a strange laugh at something said. Push. Old, English, and drunk vs slow and happy � you take your pick. To me, it�s the same cookie; just different chips.

Finally, after much reflection I believe this person to be Elderly and English. Here were the final deciding factors.

1) He was old. I don�t really remember ever seeing an old retarded person.
2) He had an accent. I don�t think that the MCs have accents. I could be wrong, but I feel on some comedy show somewhere they would have had a thick accented downsie doing something. �Me so horny� lines? Don�t even tell me that SNL this year wouldn�t resort to actually adding a retard cast member. (Horacio Sanz doesn�t count.)

However, consider that none of the children sounded English�

Anyway, I think the biggest lesson to be taken out of this is that a drunk Englishman and a jubilicious retarded guy are hard to tell apart. This actually makes me respect the English.

Waaaaa?

I don�t think that being retarded is a curse at all. Why, it�s a boon in some cases. First of all, I�ve never really seen a retarded person have a bad time. Sure they get upset�but so do I. I mean they have got people taking care of them. They have a huge ability to love. ( there was an awesome story about one of them and a cat here ) And they are really cool.

I�m not kidding. Of all the minorities I�ve ever encountered, the Mentally challenged are by far the coolest. Try to offend one of them. Go Ahead. You can�t!

There is a movie coming out that specifically is made to make fun of the Special Olympics! Think they care? They�ll be there on opening night hooting and hollering with the rest of us. I mean, check out this fact!

If the world were going to end, I�d rather be retarded than smart. What am I going to do with my brain? Economiczie the incoming comet? I�d much rather eat a grasshopper by mistake and then crap my pants with a big old smile on my face.

Of course the world isn�t ending, so I�ll take my brain� unlike these guys�.

See in Boston we use the word �Retahed� because anyone who would do a �Speedo Santa Run� isn�t quite right in the head. Remember people it was 15 degrees out yesterday.

I like that two of these guys are doing it �for the boobs� and the one that resembles a moose is doing it for his Aunt. Were the other two my buddies, I might try to make it clear that an event that supports breast cancer research might not appreciate you painting �for the boobs� on your chest. Then again, it makes for a good entry about retahs.

Step 1) Santa has a beard�and so do Rabbis�
Step 2) Jesus had a six pack�so I�ll paint one on�wait�this is about Santa�or was it boobs�
Step 3) Just try and make heads or tails of this image above.

Even in the dimmest of groups, an idiot savant can be found. Yes, its December, and your nipples will be very cold�

But is it worth it for when you remove them?

Ya retard.

There are more shots (with girls too) if you are interested (all photos taken from boston.com)

before - After

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