2005-04-26 - 9:22 a.m.

It's a Personal Holiday.

Having a Bachelor Party is a very important thing. I am all for marrige seeing it as a imporantant institute of monoganmy and a bulding block for a solid life to raise children in.

But the Bachelor Party is the opposite of that. Its purpose is to allow the male to put the marriage on the rocks before it even starts. This way the wife can immediatly take control and hold your actions over your head for the rest of your wonderful years together.

I have been to several BP. They all could use some work.

There are three essential things you need to have a good bachelor party.

1) You need something seedy that you would do only as a single guy.

a)This is most often materialized in the form strippers/hookers that "tantilize" you.
b) Other forms of this are gambling, drinking contest, dance clubs, eating contest, drag racing, hunting, practical jokes OR ANYTHING that your wife would yell at you for.
c) Another option is to relive your youth. I always imagined a good idea would be to complete a task you never did, like put a sign up on the High School that says something mildy amuzing.
d) Setting fire to your office is acceptable.
e) If you are able to sleep with a girl that you've always wanted to sleep with this is of course exactly what the bachelor party is set up as a catch all; "but honey it was my bachelor party."
f) Also you should do herion at the BP. I mean, I can't think of a more appropriate time.

2) You need a guy who is more excited about the party than the bachelor.

I am talking about the guy who is just shaking with excitment that he gets to live a decadent weekend.

I am talking a guy who literally skips into the strip clubs in a hope that today might be the day when a stripper falls in love with him. A guy who has already pissed himself before he gets out of the car due to severe intoxication.

3) A cover story.

You must create an elobrate cover story that so intricate and strange that no one will beleive it. And no one can ever say what actually happened on that fateful trip.

The key here is that now EVERYONE will instead know its fake and wonder what really happened. The mystery will grow and the legend will spread.

You'll need money too.

Thanks for two good years diaryland!!!

before - After

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