2004-12-21 - 4:33 p.m.

Wait...Jews are FOR Jesus?

Would you like to know what I want for Christmas.

Lots of presence. Christmas Presence.

Anyone who has ever read this �blog� will know I misspell everything, but I didn�t on this one.

You see the Asian lady at the Train Station gave me a little pamphlet. It seems she followed a certain religious order called�Jews For Jesus.

The final page actually asked me � and I quote �a pile of presents cannot be good for your soul.�

Well, despite the fact that I disagree� lets go to the numbers.

1) This is remarkable. I just met the only Asian Jew. In. the. World.
2) She�s not just a Jew. She believes in the teachings of Y�Shua (jesus).
3) Which, of course, makes her not a Jew, but a Christian, or an Y�Shuatian.

Is it just me, or are Jewish FOR Jesus, really Jews NOT FOR Judaism.

Pros For Being a Jewchirstish.

1) 8 day of Chanukah, followed by the big daddy of Christmas.
2) Both Christian and Jewish Holidays off.
3) You can hide the host underneath the Yamika.
4) Briss, 1st Communion, Barmitzfa, Confirmation, and a whole lot of presents.

Negatives for being Christish

1) The Nazi�s would really be confused. When they are confused, they are most dangerous.
2) The Star of David and the Catholic Cross aren�t really combinable. You hope for Voltron action, but they just don�t go together.
3) Church Saturday AND Sunday.
4) People like me make fun of you A LOT more.

I mean come on. Pick a religion. I don�t go around being like I am a Wiccan for Islam. I�m wicked Wuslim. I believe that we should use magic to blow up buildings.

The hybrid religion sounds like a cop out. Stick to your guns. If being Christian is your boat. Stick with it. If Scientology is your thing and you go ahead and believe in those aliens.

But don�t start combining things. I mean Jesus is not your homeslice from outerspace.

Anyway, I went to the Jews For Jesus website, and I was very interested to see.

Enter Here For Believers <---> Enter Here for Seekers

I was like � what if I am seeking to believe. I think they should have renamed everything ---

Enter Here For Really Crazy <---> Enter Here for Believable Crazy

Which one do you think I went to first? OF COURSE. I went to the believers. I�m a big boy. Hit me up with the heavy stuff, like how much I gotta give you and how Jesus�s spaceship is due sometime between May and Febtober according to this bible I just had printed.

So then I saw those two magic words: Employment Opportunities.

I clicked on it. Check THIS out

That�s right. You can be employed as part of the musical ministers. Who knew that Yahweh Jesus God like music so much.

I think every parish needs musicians. It�s a lot more fun to talk about your eternal burning soul when you SING about it. And look at those costumes..�... How East Indian Trading Company of you.

If I ever started a religion, I would have a uniform. The orthodox Jews got it right. If you are going to church, you want to feel like a superhero. That way as you pass the scum not going to church, your uniform will remind you that God is on YOUR side.

I will leave you with the qualifications for being in the Jewistian Choir.

Behold Your God. Their music could be described as a combination of Israeli folk and Fiddler on the Roof! (Or a Christian Andrew Lloyd Webber and RuPaul.)

To qualify, you must be a Jewish believer in Jesus (or married to one) (or just crazy) , be able to sing in tune or have 250 dollars cash and preferably play an instrument, Triangle does not count for the third time Mr. McLieberwitz and be physically and spiritually fit for the demands of this mobile lifestyle. (ie can you play the fiddle in a New York Subway, as people assault your beliefs with eggs) Each team trains for three months with live ammo and tours for 15 months. or until God/Jewish God sees fit We're now accepting applications for the next team, which will begin training October 1, 2005. The last team did not return from their jaunt to Utah (By the way, these are salaried positions.) Life insurance is extra

In order to be mobile and sound their best, the Liberated Wailing Wall The REAL name. I would have called them the Mobile Liberated Wailing Wall. Mom would be so proud relies on the their bus driver/sound engineer. Who is also a spiritual technician This person does not have to be Jewish, but he will be by the end � that or Christian but needs a Class B commercial driver's license with air brake and passenger endorsements, bus driving experience, and a basic knowledge of tools and vehicle maintenance. He is not allowed to be trained in firearms, or common sense.

Have a nice/jewish/godish day.

before - After

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