2004-12-22 - 4:37 p.m.

Pretty Random Thoughts

Has anyone ever noticed that when there is a recount for any election, the reporters take a picture and the people in the picture look like they are deaf, dumb, and blind.

Look at this photo.

Caption: Um, yeah, it looks like this should be recounted�

I mean, what�the three people in the front are the village fools, meanwhile the 4 in back are the backups in case anyone in the front row is deemed to competent to do their job. I saw about 4 billion of these photos from back in Florida in 2000.

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Anyway, I have found that my Snake Arm man has been pretty popular. So I decided to include a picture and list the top ten things the snake man really wishes he could do.

Reminder. Snake man is a guy who is really hasty and wished for snake arms before he really thought about it.

10) I wish I could play the snake charming flute.
9) I wish I could comb my hair without using snake poison as a conditioner.
8) I wish I was immune to snake poison.
7) I wish the military would stop operating on me.
6) I wish I could own a Gerbil for more than 3 minutes.
5) I wish the Crocodile Hunter would leave me alone.
4) I wish I could like to masturbate in the near future.
3) I wish I was allowed into Disney world again.
2) I wish I my ass didn�t rattle.
1) I would love to be able to pee without having to ask a stranger to suck out the poison.

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Incidentally, I love scallops and bacon. It is the perfect combination of pig and fish. Land and sea creatures rarely mix this well. Think of swordfish and lamb. All wrong. The balooga and the goat?

But Scallops and bacon. Damn hommies, dat shit be fine.

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Finally, I was reading a diary and the teacher gave his students THIS assignment.

For extra credit on a vocab test, I asked my seventh graders to write a dialogue between "a nihilist who demands a panacea" and "a monarch who can comply."

Here we go.

Nihilist: I have been experiencing a problem.

Monarch: Is this a solvable problem?

Nihilist: That is not the point. The point is that I am sick.

Monarch: Have you consulted a doctor?

Nihilist: Their talents are hogwash.

Monarch: Then perhaps you should seek a priest.

Nihilist: I would sooner eat your feces.

Monarch: Excreting waste has solved many of my problems friend.

Nihilist: In that case, make haste with the waste.

Monarch: Then it shall be done. But I ask you. Is this the solution you seek?

Nihilist: As good as any.

before - After

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