2006-05-01 - 4:04 p.m. Gump Hood�s Summer Movie Preview 06 Gump Hood�s Summer Movie Preview I pride myself at being fairly able to predict the future. With movies, my ego only grows. I have a theory that good movies follow certain patterns. These are my personal screening processes for movies that I haven�t seen and know very little about. A person you trust is someone who hasn�t let you down. Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, Charlie Kaufman, Bryan Singer, etc� You lose trust in someone whose career has been in a downward slide. Kevin Smith�s movies just get worse. Harrison Ford is all done. Do you trust a Matthew Perry movie? 2nd is if the movie makes sense. Logically. There are some movies out there that don�t make a lick of sense that they were made. This is like �the Honeymooners� with Bernie Mac. What? Who made that! 3rd is Freshness. Is this a new idea? Is it a remake? Is it trying to copy something that had success. Who wrote it? Has what they written sucked? X-men and Spiderman came out. Then we get fantastic four, League of extraordinary Gentlemen, the Punisher etc� 4th Is this a paycheck? Are actors in this for the money, or cause they liked the work. If it�s a Disney movie � its almost always a paycheck. If it�s a film that�s smaller, with a low budget, but big names � that�s something to see. Think Magnolia, Traffic, and Donnie Darko vs The Shaggie Dog and The Core. 5th (and most important) who is going to see it? There are only two methods to success. 1) The Masses and 2) The Critics. Sometimes you get crossover (lord of the rings, titanic) and you get huge hits. Comedies are hated by critics, and loved by the masses. Art films the opposite. The mistake? Too much sex, too much violence. False advertisement, and audiences thinned out after the first week. A movie like Spiderman is almost PG where kids can see it again and again. Sin City? No one really went back. Tom Cruise is crazy. This is fact. Yet he�s still the best action movie star of our, or any, generation. I know that seems weird to say, but this guy is actually a fantastic actor for that genre and as scientoligoistic as he is � that doesn�t make his movies any less entertaining. I still think Minority Report is a masterpiece. Collateral was also really a great film. Mission impossible three also has JJ Abrams at the helm who did Lost (great mystery show) and Alias (great action show) � so who better to write an action/mystery that Abrams? I actually think MI3 will be a good movie Grade: B+ Documentaries were hot last year. This documentary heats things up in a strange way. This is the self made story about a guy who is addicted to sex, but is also dead honest about it. A true male ego that is not shy about his feelings or his shortcoming and captures it on film. The best way I could hope to describe it is � if Woody Allan made a documentary about himself that was more honest. While Murderball was daring, Peguins was fascinating, and Grillzy man was captivating � this will be interesting, but sad and I think come down to more of a man with little self control, that a hero like figure. Grade: D This is some sorta movie they play in hell. I�d rather see confessions of a teenage drama queen! I put this movie up there with those terrible karmic movies like Serendipity and Simply Irresistible. This isn�t another Mean Girls -- save your money, and your soul. Grade: F+ Cowboys were big in 2005 � so why not make a movie about straight cowboys. Lets make it an indy flick. Oh but wait�lets make a movie where the cowboy is in his mid 30�s who thinks he�s a cowboy, who falls in love with the girl who started in the movie �Thirteen.� Which was her age in that movie. That movie that came out three years ago. Never have audiences been awaiting a middle aged psychotic cowboy/undersaged myspace victim more. Guys, this is a love story. I love Ed Norton, but I just don�t think he�s gonna sell me that crazy uncle Bill could seduce little orphan Annie. Hey, but Natalie Portman worked in Beautiful Girls, so it might be worth a shot. I�m still reading the book. Don�t tell me anything about it. ---But when was the last time Tom Hanks made a bad movie? And Ron Howard as director? Sounds like a goddamn homerun, though my girlfriend insists that it would have been better acted by a younger pre-firewall Harrison Ford. Grade: A- Green Lights: The whole cast returns. Three different trailers look awesome. Red Dragon was really good work by the director (who was working with previous data). The First was great, the second one was amazing. Red Lights: The Director left. The writer left. The new director did all the Rush Hours. Lots of new mutants in this one. Yellow Light: I think Ratner was a good choice. He did Red Dragon wonderfully as a nice follow up to Silence of the Lambs. I think the Rush Hours were fun that turned into paychecks. And overall you can�t fake really good trailors. I just hope the plot is as tight as the second one and that they develop a story and just don�t have a bunch of fights strung together. This is one of my favorite series and I totally hope to be there opening night. But I still have doubts. 'Superman Returns' Thank God. It picks up after Superman 2 and the consequences of that movie. I think the movie will have a very American feel as superman returns for protect his city again from the evil forces of Kevin Spacy. I love Kevin in this role as a villain, because the last two villainous roles he had (Se7en and Usual Suspects) turned out pretty good. Singer amazed us with X-men, the Usual suspects, and I think it will continue with Superman Returns. I just hope that the movie isn�t nearly as confusing as getting the movie filmed has been, since this projects been in development hell for nearly 10 years. Grade: B+ 'Cars' I worry this is Zoolander for cars. I trust Pixar though, since they brought us Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Toy Story, A bugs Life, and Monsters Inc. However with the wave of Dud Computer animated movies that have come out, you have to think this will be another home run. Grade: A 'The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift' New Director, Paul Walkers gone, Vin Diesels gone, everyone is gone. But the third movie comes out? The only change is now its in Toyko? Wasn�t the main Market for this movie teenage urban viewers that lived in or were interested in the streets of LA? This is like filming Miami Vice in Chicago. Why isn�t this direct to video? Grade: D- Two Words: Jersey Girl. I�m not even adding the �s� to clerks to do it justice. Don�t waste your money. Grade: F I would have lost a lot of money if you had bet a Disney Movie based on a theme park ride would get a best actor nomination. So how can you bet against the sequel? Grade: B+ 'Nacho Libre' No this isn�t King Kong two�.this is the inadvertent follow up to Napoleon Dynamite. But instead of a weird kid in High School, you have a weird priest in Mexico that wants to wrestle. Obviosuly Jack Black (love or hate him) is more talented than Jon Heder, but will the writing seem as fresh second time around? I suspect well get some laughs, but it will lose the sparkle that Napolean gave. Plus if I have to look at 10,000,000 talking Jack Black pens at Ubran Outfitters, I�m gonna puke. 'Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby' Here�s the pitch: Will Ferrell as a NASCAR racer with Sacha Baron Cohen ("Ali G") playing Bobby�s sneering French rival. Gold. Look at his Racing Suit. Gold. This movie will be Will Ferrel getting back to his roots, and if it can keep a better plot storyline than anchorman (which I liked) along with the same weird feel, its gonna be a laugh riot. Grade: A People think this will be a summer sleeper. No No. Here is why. 1) Its an Indy comedy. If critics like it, it can�t be that funny. If they don�t it won�t get that widely released. But it might be a good indie movie. Grade: B- 'A Scanner Darkly' Plus: Philip K. Dick�s novel. Overall, Linkleter is a good director that is going to make a great movie�but people won�t understand what it is and the previews look all talk and no action. It kinda looks like an AH-HA video. Nevertheless, I�d recommend seeing it, because I suspect if you do, you�ll be very entertained. The latest whimsically bent romantic comedy from director Michel Gondry ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind") is a Charlie Kaufman movie in spirit,. Gael Garcia Bernal plays a man-child whose dream life invades his relationship with girl next-door Charlotte Gainsbourg. I know very little about this movie so I stole a summary. Because of the topic, you�ll love it or hate it. Take a loot at yourself. Do you have a vagina? Are you wearing something that is hippie looking? Then you�ll like this movie. But the interesting thing is that it�s a story about a Man Boy. I don�t think many people realize the implications of that. This is like if they made a movie called �Being Michael Jackson� and the movie cut between his head and the real world. Its going to be childish fantasy mixed with real life issues. Werid. It will turn a lot of people off, and probably won�t even get rave reviews. Truth be told, I don�t know if I�ll like it, but it will be interesting. An something that is guaranteed to be interesting is worth my ten dollars. Grade: C+ 'The Devil Wears Prada' This is an adaptation of a Chit-Lit Novel. No offense girls, but since Sex and the City went off the air, its been a empty battlefield for truly girly movies. If this Chick Lit movie does well, the chick lit clones will follow. Is that a good thing? It might be for women who have gotten very few chick movies thrown their way in a long time. Grade: C- (but I�m a guy) 'Lady in the Water' M Knight hasn�t made a movie that has made under 150 Million. Of course the stars were Mel Gibson (golden), Bruce Willis, (gold), and the John Hurt/Jaquin Phenox combo in The Village. He�s making a run at it with �Lady in the Water� which I think is going to be a huge hit. There is no twist ending rumors, and I think its going to be more of a scary/magical story for children. Combine a movie that interest adults and that kids can see and you�ll make 100Million easy. But I know so little about the plot other than if you zoom in you can�t see Bryce Dallas� underwear, and that Paul Giamottie is the main actor. Grade: A- 'Miami Vice' This is not a remake. Oh, no, my friends: Original series creator Michael Mann is writing and directing this one, and you may have noticed he turned into a filmmaker ("Last of the Mohicans," "The Insider," "Collateral") somewhere along the line. Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx play Crockett and Tubbs. I saw the preview before I knew this was Miami Vice and I thought the movie looked awesome. I think this one is going to be a huge hit. I love the Farrell/Foxx dynamic. I think the movie looks awesome, and this is what �Bad Boys� wished it was. This is my Summer Sleeper. Grade: B+ You need a description? Read the title. You either get this movie or you don�t. What assassin would be clever enough to sneak over 1,000 deadly snakes onto a plane, but isn�t able to put a bomb there instead? Where did he get the snakes? Why not just shoot the guy when he gets off the plane? There are plot holes from the title alone. The movie will infuriate anyone who isn�t into accidental comedy, and delight fans who realize this is pretty much Pigs in Space. Sam Jackson refuses to talk about it in interviews. He just keeps saying �Its snakes on a plane. Its fun. See it�. Will you be aghast at the plot and dialog? Yes. But the audience knows it, the writers know it, and the actors know it. It�s like we are all in on the joke. And the joke is the movie. See this movie. Otherwise the snakes will get you. Grade: A+/F The F is for effing awesome. What movie do you want to see the most? What movie do you want to see the least? | |||||||||||
