2005-05-24 - 11:43 a.m. Wording Symantics Gumphood make the money, see. Check it. So I was watching 24 last night for the Season finale. That show produces. They refer to a lot of the things on that show as situations. And then I was listening to sports talk radio and they were talking about Edgar Rentaria our shortstop. Last week it was the Edgar Issue. Now it�s the Edgar situation. And I was like �oh crap� that�s bad. Here is why. Here is pretty much the five ways I can think to refer to things. Incident -- Lets say you are talking about the Christmas when Uncle Joe lit his public hair on fire because he thought that a wild hyena was about to attack him, and he didn�t want his �big unit� to be taken alive. That would be the �Uncle Joe incident.� An incident can put behind you. Uncle Joe got some help. You never expect it to happen again! Was it a problem? At the time yes, but it doesn�t stick around and get prolonged becoming something that you have to deal with on a daily basis. Issue -- This implies that there is an ongoing problem. Examples: �The Kevin issue where he never cleans his dishes� or the �Issue where Uncle Joe keeps eating birdseed out of the feeder.� This means that there exists issue which is ongoing, but there is a foreseeable solution. If there is an issue there is still an avenue for diplomacy. Kevin can do the dishes. Uncle Joe can switch to popcorn kernels. There is an out. Situation -- If something is a situation, it means that things are getting bad. It means there isn�t an easy answer. If you realize that you kid likes to make sculptures of mountains out of their own poop, well, that�s a situation. You need help for that. The Edgar Renteria situation is centered around the fact that he couldn�t hit Fatty McGee with a redwood, and we own him for four years at 10 million a year. Uncle Joe just decided that living with the rats in his basement was a great idea and he thinks he can talk with them, so that�s great too. These are situations because you are starting to realize that things are just going to get worse unless something is done. Problem -- Now you�ve just come out and said that it�s an immediate problem that needs to be solved. With the past three words, you skirt around the fact that you actually have a problem. Now there is no other choice but to come out and say �We have a problem.� Uncle Joe is attacking our house with an army of rats. We�ve got a problem. An incident and an issue can be solved peacefully and easily, a situation cannot be solved easily, but there is a solution. A problem is something that HAS to be taken care of immediately, and there is really no other way around it. Thing -- A Thing is a mob term. �Take care of the Uncle Joe thing�. It means there is a problem so big and it bothers you so much you can�t think about naming it. A Thing can only be solved by eliminating the offender. There is no diplomacy. Michele Corleon had a thing with some of the people that worked for his father. A thing is the black hole of problems where you go through and come out the other side, trying to pretend there isn�t a problem. It�s just a Thing. And when something is referred to as a thing in the movies, its usually dead or blown up in the next scene. There is a solution to a �Thing.� The solution is death. | |||||||||||
