2005-05-09 - 12:14 p.m.

Death is on My Mind

I�ve always wanted to write a short story about a boy who knew when he was going to die.

I like the idea of this man who knows that he will die on Oct 14th, and he will die from a car accident. I am not sure that he knows, but he is certain that is the way that he will die.

Then in fear of death, believing that he can cheat it, he will go into a panicked state where he studies the deaths of thousands of Americans and how many different ways you can die from a car accident.

I would devote a section listing ways to die from a car.

1) Hit as pedestrian
2) Hit inanimate object and tossed from the car
3) Crush between inanimate object and car.
4) Two car collision
5) Car accidentally becomes dislodged and falls on him
6) Car crashes through your house.

And so this boy would have this duality of this intense fear of cars, but also with the knowledge of how he will die, he will no longer fear other forms of death, like guns, and drugs, and heart disease. I can see him not fearing doing drugs and eating whatever he liked, but couldn�t cross the street. Stuck to traveling the subway only.

Then when the day came for him to die, he would hole up in his penthouse apartment, not on the first floor, not on the top in case an airplane dropped a car and it crashed through the ceiling. He would be slowly going crazy as the time ticked away. Then as a climax the fire alarm would go off, and he realized that this was it. They would make him leave and he would go out on the street and die.

His neighbor would come and try to beg him to leave, but he�d refuse. He would say �I can�t die from fire. I don�t fear the flames.�

He would stay in his apartment as the story reveals that on the first floor a car had crashed into the building lighting it on fire.

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I�ve always wanted to die in a unique way. I think that life should be lived to its fullest for the most part, and I would hate to have a boring death. If you are going to die, why not be shot. Why not get flung out of a car windshield over two lanes of traffic. Why not have that parachute not open up?

I was told that I think too much about morbid thoughts. Its true.

I watched Waking Life last night and one of the segments wondered why human evolution depends so much on a few humans bridging gaps and inventing things, when so many humans exist. And in that regard is the only real thing that unites most humans not love, or spirituality, or intellect, but laziness?

Sometimes I feel like my life is a testament to laziness.

before - After

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