2005-05-06 - 10:15 a.m. Ben Affleck Is Off The Hook Sometimes I think that people can pass through the ring of fire, and as much as I want to see them fail, they make it, so its time to give them credit. Listen. I have EVERY reason to hate this guy. I mean he�s gone from doing okay movies, to good movies, to horrifically terrible movies that make you want to skin your own face. He can single handily turn a movie into something as unwatchable as anything starting Jean Claude Van Dame. But he knows it. His marketability is over the top. If you were a producer would you ever really place him in any movie again as the lead? No. His last five movies have made him into some level of joke that would normally make me hate him forever. I mean, have you ever hated the sexist man alive so much? Most people enjoy some aspect of Mel Gibson, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Judd Law. But Ben Affleck has no such leeway. And I�m here to say, he�s made fun of himself, mocked his own movie career, relationships, and gamiling problem. He continues to appear on Project green light with Matt Damon ragging on him, he still associates himself with Kevin Smith, and he still dates a Jennifer. Its like the world can�t get Ben Affleck down. But he understands it and continues to make jokes, like at the Red Sox rally, about how Johnny Damon�s one more commercial away of bringing his over exposure to Afflackia like levels. Does he suck? Yes. Has he made a good movie lately? No. But I am going to give the guy some slack, because I think he�s going to come back from it. I am here to say that he�s one Will Farrell movie away from being back in the nation�s good Graces. And he�s one Farrely Brother�s movie away from being back on the shit list. 2. Jersey Girl (2004) .... Ollie Trinke (Didn�t you just do Gigli) 3. Paycheck (2003) .... Michael Jennings (Alternate title: Ben needs to get paid!) 4. Gigli (2003) .... Larry Gigli (There is no joke that I can make that hasn�t been made) 5. Daredevil (2003) .... Matt Murdock/Daredevil (The reminded me why superhero movies can be bad. 6. The Third Wheel (2002/I) .... Michael (Does anyone remember this?) 7. The Sum of All Fears (2002) .... Jack Ryan (Worse than Harrison, Better than Baldwin, in the strangest continuous spy themed movie since XXX) 8. Changing Lanes (2002) .... Gavin Banek (Heard it was good. But a car crash movie with S Jackson and B Affleck scared me in theory) 9. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) .... Holden McNeil/Himself (hurt me) 10. Daddy and Them (2001) .... Lawrence Bowen (Daddy needs a paycheck) 11. Pearl Harbor (2001) .... Capt. Rafe McCawley (Affleck and Bruckheimer try to pull a Damon and Spielberg. I mean not enough was made of what a giant rip off this movie was on Saving Private Ryan. The trailer made me fall for it too. I was like �that can�t be bad.� 12. Bounce (2000) .... Buddy Amaral (Never saw it) 13. Joseph: King of Dreams (2000) (V) (voice) .... Joseph (Will never see it) 14. Reindeer Games (2000) .... Rudy Duncan (Ben ate out Charleize Theron as my girlfriend was embarrassed, my mother was annoyed, and my dad snickered. I will never forgive on this one Ben.) 15. SNL Fanatic (2000) (TV) .... Jason (huh?) 16. Boiler Room (2000) .... Jim Young (Small Role. This movie was called good because I think people were afraid of calling it bad. Lets get it straight. Its pretty bad.) 17. Dogma (1999) .... Bartleby (Kevin Smith is king of the evil guy monologue. Would make a good comic book) 18. Forces of Nature (1999) .... Ben Holmes (This was Bouce 1) 19. 200 Cigarettes (1999) .... Bartender (THE bartender?!?!) 20. Shakespeare in Love (1998) .... Ned Alleyn (He was very good in this) 21. Armageddon (1998) .... A.J. Frost (Listen. I hate this movie. Was he bad? Not so much as the movie was bad) 22. Phantoms (1998) .... Sheriff Bryce Hammond ( � ) 23. Good Will Hunting (1997) .... Chuckie Sullivan (Great Movie) 24. Office Killer (1997) (scenes deleted) .... Man in Office (Best role ever) 25. Chasing Amy (1997) .... Holden McNeil ( I liked this one) 26. Going All the Way (1997) .... Tom 'Gunner' Casselman (Got me) 27. Glory Daze (1996) .... Jack (Dazed and Confused 2: Why not) 28. Mallrats (1995) .... Shannon Hamilton (Meh. It was okay) 29. "Against the Grain" (1993) TV Series .... Joe Willie Clemons (Against all Odds) 30. Dazed and Confused (1993) .... Fred O'Bannion (I love this movie � Great Role) 31. School Ties (1992) .... Chesty Smith (Who wasn�t in School Ties) 32. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) (uncredited) .... Basketball Player #10 (He didn�t fake the funk with his nasty dunk) __________________________ | |||||||||||
