2004-04-05 - 10:49 a.m. It is my Fault Hello. I owe several explanations. I will start at the beginning, which as I always say, is a very good place to start. A long time ago I wanted to start a diary to record thoughts. It was just for me. It wasn�t for others. I never though anyone would read it. Then they did, and then I enjoyed it more and started realizing the magnitude of the diary. I stopped using names and made the diary more anonymous. Now I sifted through a lot of the entries I had made, but alas, I missed one. And it was a doozy. Now I will say this, I was railed by the reader, and deserved every word of the railing. The ONLY thing I will say in my defense is that one entry, which was mean, is not indicative of the diary or the person who writes it. This is what happened. I wrote an entry that was a metaphor between baseball and dating in High School. A snapshot of the mentality of a 16 year old boy. This specifically dealt with what the 16 year old boy thinks about which is pretty much sex. So the idea was the boys would assess each girl to maximize the quality and quantity of sex they would get. Because of this I did several things wrong. The first was turn the girls into 1 dimensional stereotypes. The second was perpetuate local myths that were instilled in our friends, though probably weren�t true. The third was just generally look past anything about a person that makes them anything other than a sex object. Now the whole thing was done to be funny. And it was funny. But it was offensive. And I used real people. Instead of using nebulous stereotypes, I used actually things that happened in High School and wrote about them in those terms above. I regret it. I turned a lot of people who were real into these 1 dimensional characters in my entry. It�s the sort of like the way you have a inner circle of friends, a ring of people you know, and then a third ring of people you know OF. The people you know of, you have no actual idea what they are like, other than a few glimpses and second hand stories that you have jumbled together to create this un-representative character that is more folk lore than real. Example: From the entry I talked about the Bruces and their girlfriend. The Bruces are two kids I never knew, but graduated with, and I feared them for their wrestling ability and tough demeanor. Because of this they because these larger than life characters who were mean and destructive, and would kill people and things like that. None of that�s true. Their girlfriend was referred to as the type of girl who would do cocaine and get messed up and have wild sex whenever. I never knew any of them, and could positively swear to you that none of them actually did these things. It was fiction from reality. A folk tale about someone imaginary based on someone real. So when you combine fiction, sterotypes, sexual degradation, and painful memories you get a very offensive entry. One that was googled, discovered, and offended those involved. Can I just say again: rightfully so. But anyway, I wrote that entry, which has been removed, a long time ago, and I will not write one like that again. Kerbang made a point, that this is my diary and I can say what I want, but I think the more important thing to say is that I never wanted to offended anyone. That�s not why I do this. And yet it�s what I did. And now I will suffer the consequences of the result, which is both discovery and contempt. The person who found it won�t be looking to give me a second chance and I have burned a bridge, and that bridge will most likely spread and burn other bridges. So I have to accept that is how its going to be. To the people that are angry, Cheers. Please�you have every right to be. That entry was a mistake, and it�s gone now. It�s unfortunate that you had to discover that one. There are so many others that I think would have put a smile on your face. But I will expose myself for a while longer and see if I am burned more. For now I will be heading to finishing the flashback entries, and then closing this diary. That could take a few months. Until then, I am sorry for all the locking and unlocking. | |||||||||||
