2006-07-25 - 3:42 p.m. Married Man Well I�m a married man. I�m not sure if you want to � but I would like to recap the wedding for you. See � we did a traditional wedding for our family. It was the classic Wolves and Turtle ceremony. As you know, as the Wolf, I must be properly dressed in a Monkey Suit. The Turtle, the bride, must elaborately decorate herself with various paints and calamities. While Monkeys have little place in the rich Wolf History � it is the Monkey invasion of Turkey in 1347 AD that cause this tradition to stick. For it was during that time the Eastern European Lycos encountered the African Monkey. Once a brave Princess Monkey settled a gentleman�s bet by marring a Wolf. The bet�s spirit lives on in the suit of the monkey, even though the monkey herself failed the bet and remains eviscerated to this day. The Turtle and I met upon a stage of holiness. Dingus was the proud guarder of the Holy Golden Scepter and used it to award us a blessing upon our rings of great triumph. The ceremony was elegant and quick. The Turtle and I then proclaimed our love photographically as we murmured to the scenic area of our homeland. The beauty of the countryside was only dominated by the turtle�s explicit calamites. The photographer also understood a wolf�s needs and kept the carapacing to a minimum. This was agreeable. After devouring the wedding party, we moved forward to the reception. In ancient turtle times, only the living were allowed to attend this function, which drastically helped cut the cost down. Sometimes traditions aren�t that bad. However, when you consider the pace of the turtles gullet, you�d understand the reason why this rule is in place. They certainly aren�t known for their speed. Once during the ceremony, I asked her aunt to pass the salt. Besides the fact that turtles grip of items � you know not having opposable thumbs and all � the damn woman handled the NaCl like it was nitro glycerin. I think this is why turtles make good soup. Once the first dance was over, which was a lovely tribute to blind pianists, the real fun began. Namely my wolven brethren were subjected to that over poisonous delight that we are so fancy to lacing our throats with. Alcohol. The drinking was very easy way to make �fun� go to [b][i][u]FUN!!!!! [/b][/i][/u] See when one drink your eyes don�t see as well, your ears don�t hear as well, you�re speech doesn�t speech as well, and basically you stop becoming concerned with aesthetics and focus more on lecherousness. The Turtle and the Wolf had a magical day, and not the crumby stage magic. I�m talking Merlin and Gandolf Magic. I�m talking like magic that make science go �ooooohhh�. And its hard to impress science. Science is very smarmy. Science thinks it knows it all. So if you have been wondering where I have been, Shelly (get it) and I have been on our honeymoon � which is a tale for a different day. | |||||||||||
