2005-05-02 - 12:03 p.m. That might not be true Some times when I drink coffee there are worms in it, because they thought it was dirt and were trying to escape their death by bird, only to receive death by molten coffee. That might not be true . One time when I was smoking crack I realized it was baking soda, but that I was still getting high because baking soda is actually a powerful narcotic that no one knew about until me, and since its legal I was going to be a millionaire. But then I realized that I didn�t own the baking soda, so I blew up the factory, and the formula was lost and I was no longer a millionaire. That might not be true . If I had but one wish, it would be for a tasty fish. That might not be true . I once spelled my name �Himptupik the Grand-e-ous,� but people called me Himp the Pimp. That might not be true . Jack Bauer once came into a restaurant where I worked and he threw me on the bar and shaved off my nipples trying to find out where I put condiments. I didn�t break though, because a woman in love never reveals her secrets. And since I am a guy, I do. That might not be true . I named my pet hyena �Mandinga� and I wanted to call him �Flaming Mandinga� but I thought that might make him question his sexuality. That might not be true . Does anyone understand why Nextel gets things done? I mean is it like faxing your email to each other? It seems like a step back. Only one person can talk. In a �phone� conversation two or more people can talk at the same time. Nextel slows shit up. That might not be true . I saw this girl and she was flying a kite and I thought that she was hot, but she was a spy and Jack Bauer was after her, and I had to decided to either save her, have sex with her, or get my nipples shaved off. Lets just say since Jack had earlier shaved them off the choice was easy. That might not be true . I have a little paranoia, but I hear they say that it is going around. But I don�t really trust what they say, you know, because of the paranoia. That might not be true . I sent this email to Shelly: I love the plans. Plan! Make more plans. Lets planapus. A duck billed planapuss. That might not be true . A wizard once told me that cachous were magical. But then I found out that cachous aren�t real. I think he was talking about the nut that looks like a salty banana�but then I ALSO realized that magic didn�t really exist. Then I teleported to the nuthouse. That might not be true . If there was a pool called �the death pool� would you want to swim in it? What if it was hot? What if it was like an underwater graveyard where they bury people and you had to visit them by swimming underwater? That�s not a statement, but rather a series of confusing questions I saw a handicap parking space at a Ski Resort. No offense, but why the hell are you going skiing? Are you trying to get more cripple or are you like �it can�t get any worse, lets go off some jumps.� This was just rude For my birthday, all my friends threw me a party, and went home, and then came out that night to my second surprise birthday party of the night. And then we realized that having two birthdays was stupid, so they decided that it was so stupid that I actually aged another year. And little did I know but I was supposed to die during that period of time, and so I died at my party. That might not be true . | |||||||||||
