2005-03-11 - 12:10 p.m. Star Wars Needs to Understand Spacial Geometery. you�ve been warned
The New Star Wars movie will be rated PG-13 Now I know the first two sucked, but this gives me hope because it means that this movie is being made for adults, and not children. Here are the two theories for how the star wars films have gone. The best film was either Star Wars, or the Empire Strikes Back. For my money its Star Wars the original, just because I think as its own film its complete. The Empire Strikes back was fantastic, but without the two other movies bookending it, it�s not a great movie. Honestly, they are both good, but I�m going to give the push to the first one. So ************** Theory 1 Best to worse. The more Lucas makes, the worse they get. Starwars � Empire � Jedi -- Phantom Menace � Clones � Sith Theory 2 Bookend Badness � The middle is the best, the beginning and end are weak. Phantom Menace � Clones � Sith -- Starwars � Empire � Jedi Bad, not good, very good, amazing, amazing, very good. ************** Okay, so I know the first one sucked. I liked the second one more, but still at parts it tried my soul. The dialogue in the movie was just very forced, and Anakin was a bit whiney. The first one was a kids movie mixed in with Star Wars. The Jake Lloyd was terrible. I wanted to slam dunk him in to a Scottish Toilet. If �The Revenge of the Sith� movie can really recapture the magic, then maybe this whole prequl thing won�t be and out and out disaster. Here is the poster. I think its pretty cool except for the leaping Yoda. I think we were expecting too much, and I wished that the dialogue was better. Anyway�What I wanted to talk about was A New Hope I have a beef with the first Star Wars movie. I was thinking about when they blew up the death star. Lets be honest. The �there is a tube that blows up the death star� is bad. Its bad. But you know what�I can accept it. It would be like shooting a bullet into the gas tank of a car, or a nuclear missle through a volcano to the center of the earth. I buy that part. What I don�t buy is the method of attack. Listen. In the story (DORK ALERT) the decided to attack the weak point by traveling along the paths in the crevasses of the Death Star. Not the best plan in the world since it took them forever and they got the SHIT kicked out of them. I mean almost everyone died trying to get to that hole. Now, they said they wanted to do that and fly low because 1) Stay out of the big guns range and 2) avoid dog fighting tie fighters. Okay. Fair enough. I will graphically described their plan below.  Okay. So let me get this straight. You are in space�you fly up to this three dimensional object, fly all the way around the outside, and then switch off your target assistor and opt for the force. Okay. Now is it me, or does this make no sense. It would be like if the aliens in Independence Day wanted to attack Washington, but they started in Orlando, then flew up the east coast until they reached D.C. No. Its space. You fly DOWN RIGHT ON TOP OF THE HOLE! I will graphically depict my plan here where a drunk redneck with camel slippers would have a good angle to poop in the hole of the deathstar, let alone fire their computer aided missiles down the chute. 
If you get as close as possible to a 90 degree angle to the hole the more the higher percent chance you have to hit the shot. You want to maximize your surface area while minimizing your time in the air. 
Unless they had me as their leader, and not the stupid Squid General that lead them into the trap. I mean guys�the Mon Calamari are just asking for it. Anyway�the point of this is I am the largest dork in the world. Have a good weekend. | |||||||||||
