2004-04-16 - 12:15 p.m. How to piss off a Roommate. Step 1 We all do dumb things in life. I am a very nice example. Usually we hope these mistakes hurt ourselves, but sometimes they affect the people around you. Last night a girl came over and took a look at the place. She parked in the driveway and then later left. While she was out, Sharon and Lisa filed their taxes (yes this is the first year Sharon got them done before midnight) and then had a drink, we believe. Lisa came home, found Paulette blocking the driveway, parked and then headed to upstairs. She forgot that she had to move. Later when Paulette left, I offered to park Lisa�s car for her so she wouldn�t have to get up. Now I am not making excuses but (excuse) I have a new car. A car where the headlights automatically turn off and on. I don�t think about lights anymore� See where this is going. I killed Lisa�s battery. She got up this morning, and the sucker was dead as a doornail. Her alarm was doing this battery dead wild wacky mongoose noise. It was horrible. Lisa was surprisingly not ripped at me, though she easily could have been. I don�t know if it was just the morning and she was tired. Too tired to ream me. But I got dressed ran downstairs, and we began jumping her car. Should have been easy, but for some reason the cable ground wasn�t working and her car wasn�t charging. I have jumped many a battery in my day as the vomiting cod will tell you. I know a lot of tricks. One trick, that seems to work, is to improperly ground the cable. It sounds like a bad idea, it probably is, but it always works. So after about 3 minutes of nothing from the original method, I switched it over VROOM, Lisa was off. I hope she drove long enough so the alternator charged her car. Anyway, this is the first time I have killed a battery on someone ELSES car, so call me a dumbass. It made me slightly late for work, but probably made Lisa A LOT late for work. Hopefully not a lot. It was like seemingly a 15 minute delay. I feel so bad. SORRY LISA! I actually locked the keys in my car with the car running once...but it was when I was picking up pizza. That sucked. So anyway The Bad: Lisa was late, and I am a dumbass. I mean, that�s bad. The good: The battery works, it was an honest mistake, and I won�t ever have to park Lisa�s car again! Things Lisa should say to me, if I ask to park her car. 1) I am holding onto these keys tighter than MacGuiver holds on to his Swiss Army Knife. 2) Why don�t you kill my battery again, Sparky McSparkplug. 3) This time Gump, think Karate Kid, Lights on; Lights off. 4) You going to pop a tire this time, just to make sure I�m late? Actually just key my car while you are down there. 5) Listen, don�t even turn the lights on this time you dipshit dipstick. Here! Use this flashlight�that�s what you get�a flashlight. 6) I am going to get my thawing chicken and stick it in your bed you bastard. I'm sorry Lisa, I was going to make this elobrate joke about how she should get the hampster she always wanted for the house and put in the car, you know, in case of emergency. But that joke would be mean, and plus, I think the car already runs on Hampster power. | |||||||||||
