2004-06-25 - 8:39 a.m. Monster Week Finalie Monster Week�s conclusion. WARNING: Entry sucks After the Zombies and Werewolves, some of you may be guessing at whats next. The stupid ones guessed Werezombies. The more coy one�s guessed Vampires. Well guess what. I am not doing Vampires, mostly because everyone knows too much about Vampires and there are way to many things I would have to talk about. Plus in every different movie I have ever seen there are different rules for what a Vampire is. So listen. If you (or are) Vampires then you are on your own. Today�s villain is The Mummy The Mummy is Egypt�s answer to something scary. This doesn�t mean it�s scary. The Mummy chases you if you take something valuable for their tomb. Apparently it doesn�t do a great job since all of Britain is still alive, and yet the British Museum is glistening with rare artifacts. The mummy is a stupid monster, and was thwarted by the crime fighting duo of Laurel and Hardy. Here is what you should be afraid of � nothing. The Mummy is slow, decaying, and no one Is actually sure what it would do if it did catch you. This thing is so slow my drunk uncle Steve could out run it after he just ingested a 12 pack of Natural Ice. Here is how defeat it � Run outside. Start a fire. In about 30 minutes it will make it outside. Take a stick, light the stick on fire, and then go light the Mummy on fire. Watch the mummy burn and wonder why the Pharaoh�s couldn�t think of a monster that literally burns to a crisp. It�s wrapped in toilet paper. In the end the Mummy is just a Zombie wrapped in flammable clothes. Who cares if it brain was removed from it�s nose! One Zombie wouldn�t cause a kid sister much trouble. The mummy is stupid. If you get attacked by a Mummy consider yourself lucky. This is one monster you want to tangle with. That and sexzilla. | |||||||||||
