2006-03-03 - 4:35 p.m. The Male: Nature's Retard I�m doing an entry today. That�s what I said at 8:30 this morning. Its 3:45. The most I wrote was �Paying you college loans is as stupid as taking off her bra� Which is nonsense. Not that much of what I write is sensible. Its mostly senseless. Am I making sense? I�m going to talk about my face. The face I make when I am asked a question. It�s called the �deer in the headlights face� When a girl is told she looks like she�s a �Deer in the Headlights� it is an insult. This implies, typically, that they are dim-witted. Think of the Heidi girl from survivor. Or anyone named Heidi for that matter. Meanwhile for the male, its like you�ve stunned him. To see a male get stunned is an amuzing and frequent event. It usually occurs when a member of the female persuasion asks a direct question that�s answer, she believes, will not be to her liking. The male, knowing this, ceases all concentration on anything but the correct answer to this question. Mind you, the correct answer isn�t always the truthful one. It�s the best answer to the question. When a male does this his face goes dead, his eyes trail off into never never land, and his hand motions cease. The females greet this �possum-like� stance with their own version usually involving a hand on the hip, a pouting of the lips, or a crossing of the arms as they settle in waiting for the answer they know will not be true. Sometimes this stance is complimented with a �Well�.� Or an �ummm hummm?� The male always takes to long. Even with the truth. There is an internal debate that tries to decide 1) Is the truth okay to tell? If it is we have to make SURE it is. That takes more time. Women would never take as long. They'd bat their eyelasses and take a breath and you'd have no idea what they said, but it looked great. In fact, be wary of the man that answers too quickly. We think rehersing our lies will, in fact, make us seem more beleiveable. But in fact as smart thought out answer to a tough question is usually like a cactus on Christmas -- clearly out of place. My personal neurotic nature takes even longer as I follow up with �Why are they asking this.� This is very important. Sometimes its clear. Q:�Whose panties are these?� A: The Lord�s (techincally its true right?) Sometimes its not clear Q: �Where were you last night? A: (why is she asking�don�t act suspicsious. She knows�.oh wait�.you were at class�you�ve waited to long�she�ll never believe you�make something up!) I got into a car accident. (STUPID!) A: Yes� (wait�why would my mom be asking me to �do it�.) Suddenly I�m stuck chopping a cord of wood. (take that how you will) | |||||||||||
