2005-07-18 - 10:57 a.m. If I got Magical Powers, at least life would get more interesting. I don�t understand people who say this �I hate to admit this, but I�m into Harry Potter.� Of COURSE you are into Harry Potter. 6.9 million copies sold on the first day. It�s not a secret. A lot of people are into Harry Potter. Now take me for example. I didn�t read the first book. I didn�t read the second book. Then I saw the movie. So I�ve never read any of the books. I should be bashfully saying, �Yeah, sorry. I don�t know much about Harry Potter.� But the truth is I regret not reading them, because the magic of the Potter will be lost on me. That point where you are reading a book and realize that it�s a really really good story. I will read them expecting a really good story, and maybe I will be disappointed. I don�t like that situation. But I regret that I wasn�t one of the people out there reading the book on the first day. One of my friends never bowled until just a week ago. One of my friends can�t burp. One of my friends has killed people. None of this deals with Harry Potter. So to end this on a weird note, here is a list of things I would do if I could �do magic.� 1) Magic would always be spelled majik. 2) I would make a triceratops appear in Central park every year on the same day and it would rampage until people killed it. Then after years of trying to figure out why, they will dig a deep pit where it appears so it cannot escape. That goes well until the next year another appears and falls on top of it. This will turn into a national holiday where we all will dropped stuffed animals off our roofs in celebration. 3) I would make spamers have to eat one can of spam for each spaming email they sent out. 4) I would make sure no one else could use magic, and only I would be the sole user of magic. I would take an apprentice, and train him half heartily in the ways of the mystics. Then, I will fire him. 5) All bugs will be nice. 6) Mako Shark Skewers will actually be made to feed pet sharks, which will be allowed only in Rapper�s studios. I feel that sharks will help the creativity of urban rap. 7) Men named Dick will be renamed �Kris Kross.� In porno�s men will tell women to suck on their �Kris Kross.� This will make me want to jump. � jump. 8) Every person would have to make a list of the things they want to accomplish in their life. For everything they do not accomplish by their death, they will be killed. 9) Dogs will never be referred to as �Fido� or �Rex� again. 10) Every alien in the future of cinematic history will have to be played by David Hasslehoff, Gary Busey, Steve Guttenburg, or Michael Jackson. In every Alien movie, the alien must loose a fistfight to William Shatner. 11) Lists will no longer end at 10. They shall end at 12. 12.) All midgets must have the last name of Baggins. | |||||||||||
