2005-07-15 - 10:39 a.m.

In Cancun, the beer flows like your bowels... Loosely

In Cancun I ate like a refugee.

When we took our senor (sic) spring break trip down to Mexico, we went with a cattle student travel package.

When you land in Cancun the airport greets you with the worst land runway I�ve ever seen. I mean the runway needed to be mowed because the concrete was so cracked. Then you wander around as Mexican Soldiers with Machine Guns yell in a bullhorn something I can�t understand.

The baggage claim which everyone knows I love, was torturous, because instead of a conveyor belt, you had a pile. And a pile is nobody�s friend.

Then we were whisked like cattle students onto our bus. They had beer on the bus and they started getting us lit up because they were driving us to our �meeting� for Student City. They are clever.

Once at the meeting, we had to hang around for our wristbands and we were allowed to drink some more beer. Then they talked to us about the �Student City Food Package�. Mind you we haven�t checked into our hotel yet, and the only thing I�ve had to eat was beer.

I told my friends �listen this company doesn�t make money from us traveling here. They make money on their packages. Don�t buy it.�

And as we got drunk, they kept talking to us about how important it was to have food. They also were giving away the VIP bracelet for the Student City Parties. We held out. We just wanted to check into the hotel, and literally EVERYONE ELSE bought the food package, and EVERYONE ELSE came to regret it.

Here is what you get.

1) Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner all paid for by student city. Free Drinks in the Clubs, and Free Entrance. All for just Three Hundred and Fifty Dollars.

Sounds okay right? Now I won�t lie. I spent more than $350 down there, but you know what� here�s what else you get.

1) The ability to eat where you like. There was one student city place which was buffet tacos, hot dogs, and nachos for breakfast lunch and dinner. We could go anywhere we wanted. The Student City place was a 30 minute bus ride away.

2) The Ability to get open bar. Open bar in Cancun was 20 dollars. You pay that at the door. The VIP ticket waved you from the fund.

3) The ability to do a tour, and not have to worry about the lunch times and eating hours. On one tour provided food for us. We showed up at this buffet style place, and I ate more pasta than I have ever eaten in my entire life. I wolfed it. I was hungry like the wolf. I must have had 5 full plates of pasta. I was out of control.

Lets talk about Cancun for a Second. These are thing you need to know.

1) Weather and Water � I�ve never seen nicer in my life.
2) Malls � Croc of shit. All they sell is cheap shit. There is nothing but shit to buy, and they push it on you. The Vendors are awful.
3) Coke � It�s strange. Can�t drink the water, but the Coke is made with pure cane sugar. Weird tasting.
4) Debauchery � You will see things. Its pretty much hedonistic. I personally think that if you can�t get lucky in Cancun, kill yourself. (and I am talking just hooking up with the opposite sex. Its hard to get a private room when there are like 8 people sleeping in there) I saw the most ridiculous pairings of people hooking up. Anything goes.
5) Open Bar � Mexicans give away Corona and Tequila like it grows on trees. If you are paying for a beer or tequila, you did something wrong. Everything should be free.

I give two thumbs up to Cancun. It�s a really nice area that gets overrun by kids. Naked Crazy kids.

I might have had a better time, however, had I not had to eat like a refugee.

See I forgot to tell my bank I was going abroad, and so after I took out some money, they canceled my credit card. So basically I kept myself to one meal a day, and cereal that I brought. Oh and beer.

I could do a weeks worth of entries on Cancun, but instead I will offer my advice to those who go.

Don�ts

Don�t get the Meal Plan
Don�t drink the whole time. Take a Tour or a Boat Trip.
Don�t take the Cruise to the Island Mujeres (Island of the Women) unless you want to be trapped into watching a wet t-shirt contest for like 4 hours.
Don�t fall down in the middle of traffic
Don�t go to �Coconuts� where the bartender shoots tequila down your throat with a super soaker if you want him to or not.

Do�s

Do Look for places with open bars
Do Tip your bartender � it�s the only way you�ll get free drinks
Do go to Fat Tuesdays, it�s a great bar.
Do take the buses. Best form of travel.
Do stay on the strip for your hotel. There are deals downtown, but you�ll probably die.

Or Turn gay.

before - After

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