2005-01-20 - 3:41 p.m. Kicking Some Inanimate Ass There are times in your life when you feel like a man. Last night was a prime example of what a man is. I came home, and I was taking a real estate course and I had to get to the real estate course in 30 minutes, if I didn�t I would have to repay to take the course in like 4 months. Regardless to say, I had to get there. I rattle the handle to my door. Locked�as usual. I keep money in my room, and frankly I don�t want to lose that money so I lock the door. I feel around my bad and try to get my keys. Now that morning, I was like, shit I forgot my watch, cause I mistook my watch for my keys. And the spare key to my room had disappeared. But I am not a fool, so I made a copy of my key in case this ever happened. Of course, I never took it off the ring of keys � so I am a fool. But there I was, clock ticking, door locked, girlfriend coming over. I went through the options. 1) Could I find a spare key? �No. I couldn�t. I tried, and have no idea where it disappeared to. 2) Could I pick the lock? � Last time I checked I picked one lock in my whole life and it was a complete accident. I didn�t even have anything to pick it with. Futile. No way was this happening. 3) Could I take the door off the hinges? It opens in. Not going to happen. 4) Could I get in via a window? --Even if I did have a ladder that could reach the second floor, I lock the windows. 5) Could I get in via the room below or above me? -- My room had hardwood floors so there was no way that I could break into my room from below. The ceiling was a drop ceiling and the room above me had plywood floors underneath the carpet squares. Now this was reasonable accept for two things. A) I would have to take up the dang floor, and I don�t think me and the roommate above are on good enough terms to do that. B) I would have to get to the floor ten feet down with a broken arm. This was out. 6) Could I kick out a panel of the door and undo the lock? � Yes. I could. One of my roommates did this upstairs and it worked out well for him. By that I mean, he got mad and kicked a hole in a door. I could do the same� But that�s expensive. Just as I thought that my girlfriend walked in and can tell instantly from my face that something is wrong. I explain quickly and directly, �I locked my keys in the room. I don�t have a spare, unless we can find it.� I asked her too look for it while I tried to jimmy the lock. She did for a minute, but you have to understand my face screamed panic. The lock wouldn�t budge, and the jimmying did nothing. My panic was not something she is either used to seeing or enjoys seeing. She said, �I�m going to take a walk.� It was 5 degrees out. I said, �Wait.� Do you remember that scene in Sneakers when Robert Redford realizes the Doors code has been changed? He panics because he can�t get into the room, when �Mother� tells him on the other end the other way to open a door. Well I remembered that scene and I wasn�t about to let me girlfriend walk around in the cold. So elected to kick the door in. There are a few things you should know about kicking a door in. 1) It makes shockingly little noise. I kicked it, and the door swung open, leaving a loose lock, and only a few wood chips on the ground. There was damage to the door but nothing that wasn�t repairable. It was glorious. My girlfriend now knows that if she�s trapped in a burning building and I have to save her, but the door is locked�well� that�s no longer a problem. I�m a man who fears no door. �We�re in� was so cool. I wasn�t a boy anymore. I felt like a man. Because men are good at doing stupid things like locking keys in their rooms, but they are also good at kicking down doors. I felt like a spy. | |||||||||||
