2003-05-11 - 5:29 p.m. Birth 10
I had a problem connecting with people. Parts of my life centered on these inanimate objects. Objects that protected me and enchanted me without judgment. Whenever I was in a tough position, I worried about the �things� around me, and not the feelings inside me. One thing that I have learned is that objects do what I want, and never reject me, and never disappoint me. Despite being sad by the leaving of best friends I hide. Instead of dealing with realities of the ending of periods of fun and childhood that existed in one brief weekend, I chose intoxication. I was scared of loneliness; I was frightened of being rejected. I didn�t want to exist in a world where I could be hurt. I was in the womb. My stable life was protected by the things around me; My toys, my ideals, my hopes of perfection, my dreams of acceptance. These things shielded me from changes and turmoil that existed. But a womb only nurtures you. It does not house you, and life doesn�t wait. Each time I was forced out of my hiding place. I was forced out of my personal emotional depravation chamber. Sometimes life makes me want to be one of the three the contestants on Family Feud that doesn�t go on the final category. I just want to watch as someone else gets to go and either win or lose. I desire being detached. Birth doesn�t happen just once. It happens many times in life. Birth is about being forced to deal with life. Birth is about change. Birth is about the realization that in the game of life everyone has to answer, and has just 20 seconds to answer the five questions. My shield is cracked and now I have to come to terms with my surrounding and awaken to discover the world around me. And most importantly I have to discover who I am. I have to stop holding back and I must experience the pain of life to grow. This is my awakening from birth. | |||||||||||
