2005-10-19 - 4:06 p.m. Girls/Guys: Personal Ads. (the links below will disappear after 9 days so if they are broken, that�s why) This one took me a long long time to cook up. Here is the thing, girls and guys have to post personal ads occasionally and I wanted to look into common mistakes made by men and women. I want to cover some of the male personal ads first. There is this guy. He claims to be hot, and VERY smart. The direct approach. So then he decides �hey, I�ll just show off my 6 pack, and the bitches will flock.� I mean, perhaps, but really, does anyone want to date someone that arrogant? Here is the link This guy doesn�t care about anything. Wants a �Drinking jackass.� I like how he shows people how much he cares with his references to women as �girls, women, whatever�� He doesn�t care, as long as you don�t give him herpes. He actually states that. Syphilis is okay. The Clapp is cool too. This dude is probably the best of the bunch. My question is�what is his problem. First the picture says �help me I am being held hostage against my will� and the text asking for �nice girl� feels off an �I�ll go out and do anything. I�m not picky. I�m desperate. I need to be touched. Help!� I think this is a guy who will get to serious WAY to fast. Women hate guys who play games�so why not just come out and call it what it is. This one is fine, but just funny. This guy is a hypocrite. Trust me. I can just tell he is the type of person who gets anooyed when other people cut in line, but he�ll do it and think its fine. First while trying to GET women, he rants about how women won�t find what they are looking for. Then the two best parts are the picture and then comparing people who talk about Nick and Jessica breaking up to be as bad as �having kids� Sounds like a winner ladies. Anyway, the point being that I think most guys have no idea how to write these things. The more you say that you are a �good catch� the less I believe it. A guy who is a good catch might even know it, but he doesn�t need to say it. He just has to say who he is. Most the time guys also give off the sex vibe INSTANTLY. You read, and the words in between the lines are �after I post this I am going to jerk off to the latest Taradise� Do you really want that guy? I mean, its okay to express that you want to have fun, but guys tend to come off as too 1) visual 2) sexual, or 3) Desperate. That being said, there are some things that women miss. But before I go there, lets check out some female personals. This one isn�t bad at all, except for the line where she tells me where she�s visited. I mean, it seems really throw away cause she didn�t go into it. What am I supposed to think now? She�s worldly? I love when people tell me where they have been, like it matters. I have been to Canada, Mexico, and Bar Harbor. What? Date me! Two Words: Duck Pirate. When you have a school like MIT, you get these posts. Put down the pixie sticks, and call me, cause I am totally into Duck Pirates. Imagine this post from a guy. �I�d like to meet up with maybe a naughty nurse�or a catholic school girl after work? Please wear the knee socks.� I mean�women can get away with so much more� Imagine that you are the friend and you read this. HORRIFIED. Matchmaker plays meddler. And what guy wants to dive into the drama pool that will be a fake blind date! How could that possibly end well? I know that religion is important, but come on��Pagans only please?� I suppose. I am not knocking paganism, but keep your options open, maybe there is a nice Satanist out there for you. I want to email her and say �so when I forget my wallet, come up for coffee, and never even bother to dump you�that happened for a reason�. Right. Holy god.... save it for the soaps. You forgot that we also like flowers and puppies. � Lets just say as far as �approaches� go � she uses the �when on the hunt for men, use a big hook.� Theory�.which is just shy of the posting the lingerie photo and saying �My vagina still works� Women I think tend to have much better posts than men, because they THINK about what they are about to post. I think where women tend to lose it is with the laundry list of expectations that they have in the men they seek to date. I mean listen, if you are 5�7� Blonde Law Student with a nighttime job dancing at a Bellydancing club, yes, you can order anything off the menu� but if you�re a girl who only has a �buck twenty-five� in her �purse� its gonna be the Soup De Jour. Still, I might be biased since I find girls more attractive than males. It�s just that I find most male posts repugnant. The almost always reveal something about themselves which will be a fatal flaw. It might be �sex� or it might be �needy� or it might be �280 lbs and balding� or maybe its �I will beat you.� Never the less, males tend to not hide their flaws well. Women either disguise them perfectly, or throw them out there so that they can be silently rejected. Men�s egos tend to not let that happen. I mean �I am hot, and very smart� or this one I read that said �Don�t worry, I have the perfect body� or another one that said �I am far smarter than you could hope for� or ones like �I just throw money at people� The list goes on, and if women have self image issues, men NEED some self image issues. So, I decided to be sneaky�. And I posted a few of my own personals. I ask that the readership tell me what they think. Also, lets play this game �which post got the most responses� Let�s start with pure humor. Pure humor is very risky, because it comes off as nonsense and while it will be a joke to everyone, its likely that not many people will reply to such an ad. Of course, you hope this humor is a sexy talent, like writing a love song, painting a mural, or being able to flip Peperage Farm goldfish in that air and catch them in your mouth. I have nothing else to say about this personal other than enjoy. Check it out That�s not my face by the way. The next personal is a concept personal and the last one in which it might be apparent that this is a joke. This is a satire. It was responded to in two ways 1) That was a funny satire and 2) You sound nice, will you go on a date with me. I personally think this one is funny, and I suggest you read it outload for full effect. I suggest a gravelly low monotone voice. Check it out This next one is what if I wrote something kinda real, and kinda personable, but I put in a horrible picture of this androgynous person. I also think the use of the term �fagalicious� will hurt female response. Personally, I would hang out with this fictional person. Here ya go The following one is based on the idea of a Serial Killer posting a personal. The idea is that he�s unstable and unhappy in life, and he�s a little weird and odd. Yet, maybe he�s nice. Normal job. Seems like a nice guy. Then I wanted for him to have a weird obsession, and maybe a strange pet. Enjoy this one. I think its pretty funny. Here we are So finally I would like you to tell me which one you think got the MOST responses, and which one got the LEAST responses. | |||||||||||
