2005-01-03 - 12:18 a.m. Getting your Cake and Eating it too The problem with being famous is, well, you have to go through all the hassle of being famous. Your face gets put in the internet, the paparazzi is chasing you, you get put in all these tabloids, and there are shows about your bowels. That sucks. I mean it. I really could do without that, and yet have to money and lifestyle of Hollywood. Well I figured out how. Get a pet to do it. You know that lazy freaking pet you are always taking out to walk. It�s a freaking goldmine. Think about that Eddie Dog on Frazier. That dog must be a millionaire. And what the hell is it spending money on? Nothing. It�s owner is taking all that dogs money, and frankly, acting like a movie star. Here is how to have the life of a movie star in Seven easy steps. 1) Get a cute animal. This is easy, since all animals that have furry tails are cute. 2) Train said animal. This might be a little harder, but electric shocks and treats go along way. 3) Find a show that needs an animal. And what show DOESN�T need an animal. Friends had that monkey. Cheers could have used a Ferret. 24 could use a puppy. CSI/Law and Order: K-9 unit. I smell big bucks. 4) Do whatever you need to do to make sure that animal is yours. Hire someone. It�s worth. Also have backup animals. Also, let the animal stud. Charge for the babies. 5) Get the actors freaking attached to the animals. If Jude Law likes your kitty, well, he does like 7 movies a month, so your kitty just might be in 6 of those 7. 6) Don�t be afraid of reptiles. This is the cold shoulder group, but every movie needs replitles to jump out. You could be the guy who owns the repltile that jumps out. 7) Get that animal cloned. Listen, its illegal to clone a human, but not animals. Remember according to Congress, animals don�t have souls. So get like 5 or 8 of your dog, just in case one goes Down. Trust me, Lassie would still be on today. | |||||||||||
