2004-05-28 - 11:54 a.m. A dog, A man, and A Lesson Last night my dog bit my leg, and I was like...what the hell. Because 1) I don't have a dog and 2) I had my imaginary Dog detoothed. So anyways, the dog was really clamped on, and I realized that the reason why was because he wanted a bone. Now I figured, my best bet, was to give him a really good bone, ya know, that wasn't mine, so he would let go. So I started cooking some BBQ ribs, but you gotta cook those suckers slow and low, so I was like 13 hours in the whole just to detach a dog that doesn't even exist. Its really a pain to sit their marinating when you have this crazy imaginary dog all up in your grill. And my grill, not the cooking grille, because I don't eat dog. So I had time to kill, and whatever I did, it had to involve the dog. I tried to play some Tetris with the dog, but he didn't really get it, not have thumbs and all. I tried to play frisbee with it to pass the time or perhaps lure it into loosening its lighting death grip on my one good leg, but it just wouldn't let go. You know it looked really sad when I through (threw??) the frisbee, and it just wagged its tale. (tail??) So I took it for a walk, and we went to the park, and I named him "Gummy" because he was detoothed. Gummy McLegbite. Good times. Anyway, I got back and I liked him so much I decided that I kinda liked him attached to my leg and we could live like that forever. Like some sort of evil twin that you always wanted as a kid. But the thing is I liked him so I also wanted to give him those ribs I cooked to get him off my leg, because we were buds now. It's like if you love something, only then can you set them free. Or something like that. So my anger and pain turned into love and hope, and I threw the bones into his bowl and then he ate them, and disappeared. This was because he was an imaginary dog. I cried for like 13 seconds. I guess the moral of the story is: Throw a dog a bone. | |||||||||||
