2006-01-11 - 3:35 p.m. The Worst/Best Homeless Man Not in America! My roommates� brother went to a South American Country. I believe the country was Guatemala. Now this isn�t a Spaceballs �I am your father's son's uncle's newphew's cousin's former roommate� thing. I heard this first hand. He was in the room, I just don�t remember South American Countries as well as I used to. Anyway, so while he was in there, he saw a TON of homeless people. No surprise. And talk about redefining poor. A homeless man in South American has it really really bad. He saw this one guy with no legs, and one with missing fingers. Incidentally, while telling this story I was like �why is he telling me this,� but I get that a lot. There was a payoff. He saw a guy who I now set as the high water mark for �Best/Worst Homeless Guy in the World.� It was Pee Wee Herman. Just kidding. It was a guy who had been in an accident and lost a part of his skull. But its not America and they don�t even have emergency care, so this guy�just had part of his brain exposed. Without dragging it out, Joe�s brother debated about taking a picture about this guy who apparently has been like this for year. At a certain point you just have to say �this guy doesn�t have a top to his freaking skull�I�ve gotta record this. He did. But as he was taking a picture, the homeless guy looked up at him through the lens and just said �meow�. So for all you John Oleruds out there� Here is Gump�s Top Ten Things you don�t want when part of your brain is exposed. 10) Lice -- This goes without saying, because instead of just itching your scalp, they�d be scraping your brain. Imagine that check up by the school nurse! 9) Showers -- To complicate matters, the simple solution to lice is shampoo and water. I think the brain shampoo isn�t really a viable option. 8) Visors -- You have a hole in your skull. Cover it up! You don�t need to be dope or hip with your faggy visor man. Cover that damn thing up with a FULL baseball cap! 7) Soccer -- You try to head the ball�even if you get it clean with your forehead�don�t even think a little won�t squeeze out. 6) The Condescender � You know the type of person who just talks down to you just because you are different. Yes, they try to belittle you. Yes, they try to make themselves feel better by enjoying your suffering. You could take that. It�s those goddamn pats on the head that really get your bladder boiling. 5) Bird Poop � I didn�t buy it as lucky to begin with. 4) Flattops � Not the choice for the Brain Exposed Gentleman. 3) Igor � After being sent for brains by his master he�ll see you and think �You makin things to easy for Igor.� 2) Diving � Worst.sport.ever Unless you consider break dancing a sport And finally� 1) Zombies. With all things equal, you are like the open can of beans to zombie. You are the pistachio that isn�t inside its shell. If the zombie�s come�you don�t have a goddamn chance. | |||||||||||
