2003-12-19 - 1:49 p.m. They Don't Make Idiots like me Anymore. I would love to say that �it has been one of THOSE days� but let me be honest with you. I don�t think that this day has happened to me before. Start off in my bed, sheets tattered. My rugs are a mess, my clothes tossed wildly around the room. I wake up to an alarm that�s been going off for about 30 minutes. I have a small stream of drool running down my left cheek. The first thing I think about is the word �ladykiller� We may never know why, as I proceed to shut my alarm off. 20 minutes later I wake up mostly cause the room won�t stop spinning� I am looking at my clock and I suddenly panic. I have to go to work. Now I have about 1,000 sick days, but I not a normal person. I punish myself for foolishness. So I sat there for about two minutes having a Golem like conversation with myself. �Wez don�t needez to goes to workes today. Wez haves sick days out the wazooes� �No, wez are naughty Gumps. Wez must grows a pairs and getz up.� �Youz have butz fives minutes� �Meh, If wez can walkz--wez are going.� And so on� And that�s when I threw the sheets to the side and got into the shower. Knowing that I usually arrive about 10-15 early for work, I realized I had a good deal of time. But I couldn�t have breakfast and making lunch was OUT. The shower was pretty disastrous. About 3 minutes into it, I had a dilemma. The beer shits had come to ravage me, but I clearly was not finished with the shower. The result. A dripping wet power poop. And then a re-shower. Awful. Then I gathered my things. I had a horrendous episode by dropping my phone behind my desk, and crawling under it to retrieve it. But it was a Rat�s nest down there I yanked my mouse onto my head and pulled a wire out�things I will have to deal with when I get home�goddammit. Then I let my scub-ass friend, who nicely passed out in Kerbang�s bed, know that I was headed to work. He BEGGED me not to go. He understands two things about me. I will endure the pain, however unbearable, of a hangover and pony up and go to work, and that I will despise every minute of it. But his drunken begging fell on deaf ears. See we both know that this was foolish. We have done this before (and I am certain it will happen again) but we were playing Beer Pong. At the point in which we should have stopped, about 5 beers or so in�he challenged me. He said, �If I win, we play again� He won. We played again. The next game went to overtime, which meant another beer. Then we had another beer in the next game. Then somehow we started to wrestle. Neither of us could figure out how it started, but I think we kept escalating it. In the end I escaped with a rug burn, a cut on my face (from what?!), and a giant bump in the back of my head, as well as a giant headache. My friend had at least two signigiant wounds; a bloody lip, and a bleeding finger. My landlord actually thought someone broke into the house and we were fighting the robber, so he almost called the Cops. I tried to explain to him that everything was fine, but I would not say I was convincing. I think I asked if he was okay several times. I was smashed. He sent me an email this morning, and everything is fine now. Anyway, back to the day. I stumble out the front door to the train. (NOT THE TRAIN) It is at this point when I realize that I am completely still un-sober. The stumbling, and the lack of using gloves or a hat in the frozen air of New England were my most signigant clues. The singing off-key and randomly out loud also sent up some flags. But I staggered to the train and got on. Now to those of you out there who have never taken the MBTA T, here�s a new flash. The oldest Subway system in America was not designed for comfort. It shakes, it swivels, it shimmies, and it�ll make ya sick. They should have some sort of drunk car, where if you were, are, or plan to be drunk, you can go there, hang out, and see the ravages of liquor. The biggest problem would be people would be puking everywhere in that cab, so no one would want to get on. I am a chain reaction puker. I puke when someone else does usually. Or if I see puke�I puke. It�s a tough cycle when I am with someone else like that. It�s like dueling banjo�s for the stomach. Anyway I get to work and I am still messed up. I write my entry. I tried to read someone�s diary, and the screen just kept moving�so I decided that it just wasn�t going to happen. Sorry guys, I�ll get ya tomorrow. And then I go to the bathroom, pee, think about not feeling sick, and wonder why I didn�t take a sick day. Then I go back to my desk. �work�, drink water, drink hot cocco, (yummy) and then back to the Lou. And by Lou, I mean �can.� Sidenote: Thank God we don�t poop in cans anymore So the day continues and my boss comes over. He wanted me to sign off on my paycheck this week. Now he�s a nice guy, but he�s not a talkative guy. I decided to chat with him. Bad decision. I tell about A-Rod, and how I wasn�t feeling well, and how my work is going, and he�s actually looking at me and listening. See normally he just walks away when you start talking, but today he was waiting and listening. I actually though to myself, �I�m on fire.� Then he said to me, �Gump, I need my pen back.� I gave it to him, and he walked away. Finally, up in the Caf�, which I went to cause I didn�t make a lunch, I looked around, and I swear I SWEAR everyone was looking at me. The security guard, the flirty couple, the janitor, the cashier, the asian conglomerate. EVERYONE. Just for like 2 seconds. I was FREAKED out. I though I had a bird being birthed in my nostril. I think it was just a weird coincidence, but nevertheless I ended lunch early. Then I came downstairs and my chair was missing. ??? I went to the bathroom and it was back ??? Does someone use my chair while I am lunch? This confused me. Nonetheless here I am. 1) Hungover 2) Confused 3) Writing the 2nd best entry of the week (lets face it guys they were awful this week) 4) And having to go to the bathroom again. The day isn�t even half over. Anyway, LOTR tonight. You know it�s going to be better that FOTR and TTT. I am excited about ROTK. Mostly cause I am a NERD. Moral of the Story: Drinking and Dragging can really mess up your life. So next time you drink, don�t drag your ass to work. | |||||||||||
