2004-01-23 - 11:08 a.m. The First Tale of the Albino Here is another story. And although it is true, it is nothing like the last one. The characters in this story are an Albino, A Gimp, a Gump, a pot head, and two poor unfortunate girls. Gimp and the Albino lived together. This was in college and the Albino had the top bunk. The Gump and Gimp both had long term girlfriends, both of who refered to the Albino as �The Tool� Confused yet? The Pot Head was younger than everyone else, and invited some of his nubile female acquaintances over for a party. Parties were fairly typical for our location, but normally they did not involve that many drugs. See in our house there were lots of guys, and we were mostly into �dance parties� with beer. But PotHead�s girls brought over some drugs. Gump did not partake, and neither did the Gimp. Both of our girls also avoided all encounter with the new and strange materials which brought to out presence. But the Albino did not heed the Surgeon General�s warning and partook of both the hardcore, the wacky, the regular tabacky, and still manage to drink like a fish. This did manage the Albino a few moments of pleasure, and actually one of the poor unfortunate girls in the story. The Albino has a flare that some can call attractiveness. It�s this kinda burnout skater look. Powder did attract this one girl who began making out with him. This quickly lead to action his bedroom. It was unfortunate that his roommate (gimp) and the OTHER unfortunate girl were in the room at the same time. Picture two sober people trying to watch TV, while an Albino and a drunk 17 year old go at it on the top bunk. This quickly lead to the Albino being berated for being such a �Tool� and was sent away. The away was the public shower. The Albino reports that he and said unfortunate girl took a shower to have sex. However it didn�t get that far, as the Albino issued �the shocker� and this caused a negative reaction in the girl. She vomited. Lucky for me, my girlfriend, the pothead, the gimp, and his girl, it was in toilet. See it seems that her reaction to the finger in both the anus and the vagina caused here to feel sickened, and she ran, naked to the can, where she was both insulted and told to leave. See, when I hear puking noises I usually check it out, not for some weird vomiting fantasy, but for safety reasons, cause I am not have had a few bad experiences in that department. But when I arrived, I found nude albino yelling at her from the other side of the door about his disappointment in not busting a nut. And then he informed her to leave and never come back. He only friend in the house was having sex with the Pothead at this time. So Papa Gump instructed the Albino to vacate the bathroom, and he did, climbing into bed nude, and passing out. Gump helped this poor girl for a bit, until her damn friend stopped the hump fest. Then once the banging subsided, and the parties return to their hemp fest; I allowed the �shocked� girl returned to room from whence she came. Now I felt bad for her, but there was yet one girl who I still feel worse for. See the Albino�s destruction ranges far past his waking hours. Even in sleep he can be destructive. The Nude albino passed out sleeping on his back, and had been asleep for about 2 hours. The girl and the Gimp were watching South Park when they felt a warm mist. *pause* Imagine the pure confusion as you feel a warm mist hitting you while you are sleeing in your bed, and then you realize�it�s human urine* And in fact it was human urine as the albino had lost control of his bodily functions and his nude body was shooting a warm stream of urine against the wall which misted down onto the lower bed. Now this stream of human negligence was bouncing all over the girl who I consider to be the most unfortunate one in this. The girl and the gimp got out of bed and ran to the hall, which would have also been my reaction, as well. And this is where the story should end. But it doesn�t. You see, the truly dastardly thing about this is that there is no easy solution. Once a mattress has been soiled it must be taken care of right away. And the person responsible was in no condition to help. The Gimp knocked on the door of the Gump. As the men of the house, we investigated. This exploration mission was once plagued with danger. We knew that our first step was to remove the lower mattress before the damage become irreversible. As we opened the door the stench overtook us as we covered our face. We had to resort to only hand signals to properly navigate the room. As we approached the feral Albino, we tried to avoid eye contact as it groaned. Grabbing opposite ends of the mattress we pulled it to the safety of the hallway, and had the woman-folk do what they could. The second trip was to assess the damage, and remove the problem. However things were about to get worse. The Albino had outdone himself. He lost control of ALL bodily functions, as we discovered a stank brown stain on his comforter. Lucky for him he passed out above the covers. The plan was as follows: wake up the albino; get him to the shower; makes sure he is hosed down. We were able to wake him and get him to the bathroom, but instead of showering he went to the toilet. We both agreed �Anywhere but here� was an acceptable alternative. Then we opened the window. It was time. The sheets and everything with them was going out the window. To spare the lives of innocent humans I looked to make sure there were going to be no incidents. As I signaled the all clear we tossed the sheets and comforter outside into the back of the house. If we were smart we would have thrown a match out after with an open container of lighter fluid. After this I was done. I said my goodbyes and cut ties. I had done my part, the rest was roommate business. The rest was taken care of by the Gimp, god save his soul. For the next hour Gimp insulted the shit out of the Albino as he puked. Then he continued to insult him for the remainder of the year, as was the custom for these incidents. Two words: Public Knowledge For the Albino was horrible, and left unchecked; his actions could only ruin the lives of others. That is the first tale of the Albino and his bodily secretions. | |||||||||||
