2003-10-15 - 12:22 p.m. Washer and Dryer The Rain was cascading down the front porch�s lip onto the front steps. The three of us, Kerbang, Pumpkin, and myself watched almost hypnotically as the washer dryer delivery guy pulled into the wrong driveway. He then darted back into his car looking very confused. He was driving a blue beat up 1980�s Volvo station wagon, which he somehow managed to fit an enormous washer dryer in. He proceeded to pull a three point turn, all the while looking confused as we watched, giving no sign that we were in fact his customers. �Kerbang, now this guy should be Datchery�s brother. Not you,� Pumpkin said as the guy peered at the house numbers. It was true, he did bear more a resemblance to Datchery in both manner and in looks than Datchery actual brother did. I hear my cell phone ring. I can only wonder who it might be. Washer/Dryer guy, who we called Bruce, was already three hours late. It seemed that he didn�t have a great concept of �before the Patriots game� as much as he had a feeling for �in the middle of the Patriots game.� I hoped that he was suffering as much as we were, but I doubt it since he not as much glanced into the TV room to see what the score was. As I talked with him, he informed me that in addition to getting lost, he sort never wrote down the house address. He kept thinking 160, but that as we know, is just not right. I finally flagged him down and went down my rear steps to meet him in the driveway. Of course at this time, Bruce�s doodling allowed my landlord to sneak in a guest, who of course, parked in the middle of the driveway. Kerbang and I met Bruce at the end of the long driveway where he began unloading the beast that we hoped would someday become our washer and dryer. Little did Kerbang know that though it seemed so soon, this washer and dryer may yet prove to never actually be able to become a part of the house. We unloaded it. It seemed like as we tugged and pulled it out of the back of his station wagon, the unit kept getting bigger. The cold pouring rain added to the feeling of helplessness at the absolute horror of trying to bring this massive unit into our new abode. Pumpkin came out at this point, dressed much better than me or Kerbang, and I told him to save himself and return to the dry interior of the hallway. He persisted and helped us haul this massive metal unit onto the entirely undersized dolly that Bruce had elected to bring along with him. However this dolly proved to be the most competent tool we would use, as it served its purpose allowing us to bring is to the screen door at the bottom of the two flights of stairs. The rain didn�t let up. However, after about four minutes of Bruce thinking and saying things like, �yeah�hey� and �well�um� we figured out a way to wrangle the beast into the opening to the stairs. With Kerbang and Pumpkin hoisting the top dryer size, Bruce and I were to do the lifting of the bottom washer side. Earlier Bruce called the unit a stackable monstrosity, and the largest stackable that he�s seen, bigger than some single units. Though I am pleased by the purchase allowing for a large unit to use, the prospect of moving it was grimm. So at the third step of the landing, the landlord informs us that he needs to leave, and Bruce has to move the car. Which he does as we leave the unit resting in between the walls. As Bruce pulls out, Ready, our other roommate, beeps as he drives by avoiding the task of assisting us in our move. Some may call him smart. Kerbang and I called him a bastard. After the old Volvo is moved out, and then back in, we return to the task of moving the washer dryer up the stairs. This was much harder than it sounds. You see, not only are we fitting four men onto a stairway not big enough for four men, but we need them all just to move the unit. In addition to this, our landlord did not finish this section of the house with isolation or drywall. That�s okay because we don�t heat this stairway, but bad, because when the vinyl siding the unfinished walls left room for some extremely sharp nails. All over. Coming out of the wall to where the drywall should be. This makes this hallway look like a two flight passage of the inside of an iron maiden. Now with four guys, not enough space, a huge appliance, and sharp nails from points sides head to toe, ready to cut you with the slightest move towards either side, we moved up to the mid point. Heaving and writhing we took it up the last leg of stairs with only me and Pumpkin getting run into the wall. Once, at the top the stairs we dollied the unit over the bridge to our door. Bruce, suspiciously, rallied ahead, and took the lead leaving the three of us on the back end of the Washer Dryer. Upon the opening of the first door Bruce tried the double whammy of sliding the unit through the second door. We heard a clang, and a crash. Bruce then informed us that we needed to back the unit up back into the hallway. However the crash was the sound of the W/D slipping over the doorstop. It was not jammed into that spot. On the other end Bruce said there was no give either. So now Bruce was stuck inside our apartment, trapped by the monster washer dryer, while the residents were stuck outside. We feared that he was the only thing holding the unit upright, and he asked for help because he needed to take off the door. But Bruce needed his tools to take the door off. However�we had his tools. Things looked grimm. Bruce asked if we could come around the front. But my keys were somewhere inside the house. Kerbang did solve the problem though by walking Bruce to the front door which he was able to unlock, allowing me to travel inside and he outside to grab his tools. We took the door off. Once inside the kitchen things looked fairly homefree. We dollied it up and through the door into the big hallway where we rocked it around the corner to square up with the bathroom door. The first thing we though as we saw the bathroom door was, �Hey, isn�t that the smallest door in the house?� It was, in fact, the smallest door in the house. Bruce took the door off as soon as he saw it. He �hoed and hummed� for quite some time as he wondered how it would fit. He pondered the idea of taking the thing apart and then reassembling it inside the bathroom. I think this was more due to the fact that none of us wanted to take it back down to his car. Then we just decided to try it. And luck of all lucks, the fucking thing was the exact dimension of the door�s width. I mean exact. The frame buckled as we pulled this Iron Giant through the hole into the bathroom. Then my secrete fear was to be tested next. My fear it wouldn�t fit in the spot inside the wall. And it didn�t. Not to Bruce�s liking. You see all the cords were too short, so he had to wall himself into the back with the washer dryer to hook things up. I joked with him, that if he wanted to stay, the rent was cheap. Pumpkin also jibbed that at least you could fix the washer dryer if anything went wrong. But Bruce hooked it up despite the small cords. Then this man wiggled up the 9 foot walls and barley crawled over the lip of our 8 foot high washer dryer. And it was over. And it�s never leaving. And that�s the story about the washer dryer. ~Gump | |||||||||||
