2005-04-07 - 10:03 a.m.

The Dating Game: Part 2

First off, thank you for those who voted for me, but it seems I actually have won the award for best diary.

You can find that here.

It was a very nice thing to win to be honest and I am glad that I won.

Enough about that.

Lets talk about Love and Relationships.

Shelly was talking to me in jest last night if I wanted to date this girl who hit on me, seeing as my diary created a few rough sparks I never intended it too.

At some point in the conversation she pointed out in the conversation she pointed out that she loved me and if dating is something I wanted or needed to do then I could do it. Just no sex. Dating alone.

This was ridiculous. Shelly knows that I have no interest in dating, and that I am extremely happy in my relationship with her. The whole entry wasn�t about the desire TO date, but rather the flattery that occurs when you realize that someone sees something in you that is dateable or at least the potential that you are someone who it would be fun to spend time with.

So, then I got to thinking about the ultimate goal of dating.

In Math we had game theory, which is simple. There was the problem I loved, and honestly if I got my doctorate I would probably investigate this particular problem.

Here is the game.

I put a dollar on the table. It is now your turn. You can either 1) Take the dollar or 2) Put another dollar on the table. If you take the dollar the game ends. If you add a dollar it becomes my turn to make the same choice.

So the idea is to increase the size of the pot, you have to put more money in, but you risk each time you do it the possibility of the other person taking all the money. What you hope is that when the pot reaches a certain level, you can grab the money.

So, the question of course we were asked was �What is the Nash Equilibrium� or in simple terms, �what is the best way to make money at this game.�

The section that we were studying was human irrationality.

So the Nash Equilibrium was simple. You take the dollar at the first chance you get. At no other level do you have an ability to make more money than you do at the first stage.

(1 dollar) (100% certainty of getting the dollar). You next attempt will be three dollars.

(3 dollars) ( X% chance of getting the dollar). In determining your �X� chance you have to use reverse induction to achieve that there is a zero probability when playing a rational human you will have the chance at 3 dollars. In short �X� is to uncertain to yield more than one dollar.

The reason why this section was about irrationality is that even after trials and trials of REAL PEOPLE playing the game, those people never learned. In fact, unless a ringer was playing the efficient Nash Strategy, two regular people would let the money get bigger and bigger until there one couldn�t take it and grabbed the money.

The show �Weakest Link� is a good example of this. You could bank at anytime, but the show would bet that people wanted more and more money. At least there the pot kept getting bigger.

And how does this relate to dating?

Simple. The final result of dating is three things. 1) Sex 2) Marriage and 3) Procreation. Beyond those three things there is no reason to date.

While they are obviously intertwined, I separated Sex and procreation and marriage for what they represent.

Sex is pleasure and being attracted to someone. Men will date women just for the sheer pleasure of sex, as will women do to men sometimes as well. There is casual sex which exists just for pleasure.

Marriage is security and stability. Marriage is the idea that you will have a partner that will protect you and help you and you can nest and create a home, and it�s a feeling of safety.

Procreation deals with the genetic desire that is core among being an animal in the desire to continue to the species. It�s the natural desire to mate that the human animal has.

So from that standpoint dating should be a fairly simple process with a quick checklist.

The first thing to do is to see if you will are attracted to the person so that you will enjoy sex with them. The second thing should be if you can make a home with them, and finally you should check fertility.

Trust me, the mating process for animals takes 1 or 2 days at the most, but for humans it takes years and years.

Why?

Why can a bird find a mate in the spring, have sex, become pregnant, build a nest, and have children by the end of summer.

Meanwhile human will court, date, marry, and get divorced after years and years of being together?

My belief is that humans are fairly irrational. First of all, I think we have two things working against each other.

The first is society. To live in a society doesn�t follow the laws of nature. You need money. You need stability. You need the ability to live for 100 years with food and shelter.

The second is nature. Humans weren�t meant to live as long as they do. Most animals don�t mate for life. Men are drawn to other women. Woman are pushed to have children and get married and create safety to raise a child.

So what we end up with is the dating game. This sorta screening process when we are aware enough to make the decision that this person is �the right� person.

But how many relationships are 100% perfect? I can say with 100% certainty that I think zero percent are perfect.

That means that no one should ever be 100% certain that they have made the right decision, and so I guess the purpose of dating now a days is to give it a trial run before you officially dive into monogamy.

So I guess that�s where love comes in. I think love is the thing that occurs to bridge that gap between uncertainty and 100% certainty. Love is the thing you turn to and look at to realize that the person you with might not be perfect but there is that love there that exists and that will keep things together.

And I am in love with Shelly, and that is why she knows I don�t want to date that silly girl.

before - After

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