2003-09-03 - 12:58 p.m. Party Essentials Party Essentials I figured that since I am making lists and demands I will continue will you help section on creating a great party. I got the idea for this entry from Wllybere Just to warn you�there is a reason this advice is free. The Food � Alcohol- Depending on age, however I feel parties do not exist until alcohol is involved. This is the social drink. You can have pot parties, or basket parties, or even birthday parties, but its not really a party unless someone is drunk. Cocaine- For certain parties this is a must. None that I throw, but if I went to a party with hookers, I would want cocaine too. Bachelor parties and high end business affairs mostly. Keg- Get a Keg. It�s just a statement�here I am, I�m a keg and you�re gonna have a good time. Also get keg beer, don�t get a heavy beer in a keg. That�s like putting nice wine in the bag in the box. If you want nice beer, buy it buy the bottle. I will hate you if you make me do keg stands on Sam Adam�s winter brew. Wine- Underrated. Girls love it. Plus (leans in close) when they are drunk they like you more. Get the aforementioned wine in a bag in a box. Cheap, good, fun. Cake- Usually a bad idea. Oh sure, you might think it�s a good idea, and the bakery tells you that too, but no one really goes to a party for cake Trail Mix- It�s just not right not to see it. Cheese it�s. Pie- Get pie. Pie is better than cake, and plus someone can actually bake this and bring it. People will credit you for pie. Marshmallows- These puffy wonders are great at parties. I personally shove them in my mouth and try to say chubby bunny. Dingus, remember New Years!!! Dip and Dipping wears- Not the tobacco product, but the carrot, or chip dip. People get around these things and talk. Party Staple. Paper towels AND napkins- You are going to need both. The PT to wipe up McKinney�s mess and the napkins to wipe of Darla�s lipstick. Hehe. Plastic silverware and chinet- Don�t fuck around with all that other bullshit. This is the where it�s at. The nice stuff breaks and the cheap stuff (yes there is cheaper stuff) is deplorable. Cough up the 1.25 and upgrade to the chinet. Nachos- Always a good idea. Buy the Salsa, don�t make it. I went to a party where they made the salsa, and it tasted worse than the pre-made salsa. The pre-made is the best you can hope for; don�t waste your time and mine. Brownies- Mmmmm Brownies. NOT NUTS. Ice- You are going to need more ice than you think. Soda- You are going to need less soda than you think. I haven�t been to a party yet where people run out of soda. Too often people by weird soda too, like Shasta or Squirt. Don�t buy Shasta you cheap son of a bitch. The Activity Make a sign- You need some sort of sign about the party. It can be as simple as �the party is here,� but at least it lets me know where the party is. That�s much better than not knowing whether I am at a gathering, and outing, or some sorta ceremony. A christening is not a party. Get a sign. The TV is evil- It sucks people�s souls. You want talking and conversation. You don�t want mindlessly watching a repeat of a lifetime movie. This, of course, is out the window when we are talking about a sports party. Then you need an enormous TV. One the size of your car, unless you drive a Geo. Then you need to not have a sports party. A game- You need some sort of Game to break out during the party at some point. Human interaction gets too dull. The Game can be dancing. I will get into that. But usually it�s a board game, a trivia game, or a name game or SOMETHING. Drinking games are great if you handle them. Music- This one is tough to call. It depends on the crowd. Beware the Karaoke. It can turn into one drunk girl singing all night, which can devastate the party. However if people take turns and get blasted it can be fun. I recommend doing it at an actual Karaoke bar though, so that after it�s over you can leave the bar. If you have the machine, you just have to look at it and think about what you have done. Twister- Underated. Hoola Hoops- Overated Dancing- Beware dancing. You must have enough people to successfully have a dance party. There is nothing worse than lights, and a disco ball with four people dancing. It�s as sad as a penguin in a desert. However, if you have enough people (this is determined by floor space per person ratio. You have enough people if at no time, from no spot on the floor you can see everyone dancing. There must be enough people to obstruct the view). The Dance party is for professional�s only. Beware. The Costume Party- Go for it. This is a good idea as long as everyone wears a costume. It�s a good party, but you have to have things to do. Usually I would recommend some sort of activity involving drinking and sex. But, then again, I think can assume this is what all my parties center around. I really would love to get e bootload of people and go on a Halloween Bar Crawl. I think that would be a blast. Sex Party- Bad idea. If it�s a good party sex will happen for those it should happen with. Please don�t go forcing sex on people. Bad idea. Themes- Yes. Have a theme. Have an idea, and center your party around that idea. If it�s a BB-Q then do a beginning/end of summer thing get tiki torches and lays. If it�s a New Years Party, then get those silly hats and noise makers. Everyone loves a theme. General- Make sure that you know what you are going to be doing if you are having a party for 6 or more people. 6 or less, you can wing it, but most people can�t keep more than six people entertained all night. If you think beer is enough, you are wrong. It�s the catalyst, you provide the spark. Even if you�re just dancing in the dark. The Dynamic Splits Girl/Guy ratio- The ideal is 50/50. But it depends on the party. Keg party- 60/40 Guys. Why? Cause you need it to be a ruccas. Girls are coming to see guys do silly things, and so you need more men for it. Plus girls aren�t known for trashing places, which is the ultimate sign of a good Keg Party. Wine and Cheese Party- 50/50 but 60%+ must be couples. Singles are welcome, but its usually a set up by the people in the relationship. This is a couple party. Karaoke Party- 70/30 Girls. In the 70 split include gay men. This is a event where single guys can get a single girl by singing his heart out and acting really cute. If there are too many guys, you will act too macho and sit in the corner. With excess girls, you will try to impress the girls. Bar Crawl- 55/45 Girls. The girls need to be in control. Guys have too much inertia, and won�t move from place to place. However you need the guys to have the fun once you are there. It�s a healthy balance. Single Guy Party- 80/20 Guys. A house party where some guys are looking to score. You want a few single chicks, but not to many. The fewer chicks the more that they will talk and flirt with the guys. The more guys the more �loose� the girl will be and the more flirty she will be. This is good for some of the guys. They will compete for her attention and she will like it. Single Girl Party- 45/55 girls. This isn�t a �girls night out.� This is �Mary Beth Needs a date.� You want couples and then the tag along single girl and two guys. The two guys will act more civilized among couples, and be more charming, and thus more likeable. Drinking Game Party-70/30 Guys. The guys like the games, and if there are to many girls they resist. However, lots of guys can get girls to play those rowdy drinking games. But the mix is defiantly in the guys favor. Bad Idea- One or Two guys and a lot of single girls. Even worse if they have girlfriends. It�s like blood in the water and its flirt city. If the guy is dating someone and drinking is involved he might blow it, and girls tend to like the taken guy a bit more; especially if the GF is a bitch. This is because it shows he is datable and she can be in control about the whole thing. Sports Party- 90/10 Guys. If the girl likes sports then that�s cool, but its about TV and Game, and girls don�t get paid much attention too. However it�s nice to have a few around for conversation and witty dialogue. By that I mean to get snacks. (Just kidding!!!! But I had to make that joke) Costume Party- 60/40 girls. Girls look better and are more likely to dress up. Plus they have better costumes usually, where as guys will come as �drunk guy� or �High boy.� One of my friends came as Capt. Apathy. His costume was a bottle of Capt. Morgans. Sorority Party- 99/1 girls/gump ratio. Dance Party-60/40 girls. Girls dance better, are more willing to dance, and cause guys to dance. You need the ladies to feel the moves. One time we were out at a bar and this one girl got three of us to dance. My God I was bad at dancing that nice. It was just the four of us on the dancefloor. She turned to me and asked, �Not drunk enough yet?� I must have been dancing really bad. Later I saw her grinding on a pole with Kerbang. The People The Hot Girl- You need the hot girl to come to your party. 9/10 my friend will ask is �Blah Blah Blah� going to be there? If I say yes, they are much more likely to come. In guys mind we think that if we don�t come then we might miss that one time she gets naked. Yes, we think like that. Though usually a prude and perhaps a mean girl, think of her as decoration for your party. The Funny Guy- You need the Funny guy who is going to be there that people like. He will tell jokes, laugh, eat food, and drop a drink on his pants by the end. Girls love the funny guy, and he is needed for your party. The Nice Guy- This is the guy everyone likes. Anyone can talk to him, and he�s never mean. He has a girlfriend and she is nice too. They are the nice couple, who can be kinda boring, but would never say that you were boring. The Tom Boy- The girl who drinks like a guy, and will do guy things. She is essential in coaxing the women folk into doing something that would be otherwise embarrassing. She can talk about rock and roll, and will drink you under the table. She gets the party started. The Person on their Way- This is the person who said they were coming but hasn�t shown up yet. You need to invent this person (make it someone good) so no one thinks the party has actually peaked yet. It will peak when �person on their way� shows up. If this person actually shows up then you are golden, however, if not, then lie until everyone passes out. The Bulldog- This can be a girl or guy who forces activity. They make sure people aren�t doing bad things, and the usually don�t get to drunk. They aren�t ever really �fun� at the party, but make sure you have one, or else you are going to end up being the bull dog. I recommend the girl who has had a long term boyfriend who can�t make it. She�s gonna be all over the bull dog. The Loser- This is the kid who sits in the corner and drinks, but no one really talks to. He came cause its better than being in his house. I mostly put this on so you would invite me to your party. The Slut- It gender depends on the party, but try to have someone who is gonna have sex with someone else. This will make your party seem much better if people had sexual relations during the time spent with you. �Oh Becky�s party was rad, I heard Kimmy had sex with hot Luke.� Just don�t have a lot of them or your place will get a reputation you don�t want. The Drunk Girl- The girl who gets way to drunk, but is really fun while she is drunk. Now you don�t want �The puker� because no one likes that, but a girl who hits the bottle hard and dances on tables and shit. That�s the kinda person you need for a grade �A� party. The Wildcard- My favorite. Invite someone unknown and new. This can pay off big. They are the wildcard, and who knows what they will bring to the party. Either sex, who knows what will happen. It�s the excitement of life. Invite someone completely random in hopes they will come. Spice up the party with someone unexpected. The Asshole- No party is complete without the Asshole. The guys who tells you everything is wrong, everything is dumb, and tried as hard as he can to put people down, because he is insecure. This guy is not liked, and not a pleasant human being. You might ask, why the asshole. I will explain. When people leave a party something happens. They talk about the party. Usually the involves commenting on the events that transpired in the night. Some people write about it in their diaries, other just talk about it with their friends. But one this holds true. People bitch. They complain that this went wrong and that went wrong. I think there should be a reality TV show called the �Dinner Party�, where people eat and then the hidden cameras are in the cars when people leave. The people who hosted the party get to listen to what the couples talk about as they are driving off and then later everyone is brought together for a confrontation. It would be GREAT!!! Anyway, you invite the asshole to be the negative people focus on. The lighting rod of insults and slander. You need him to take the hit. The Asshole�s comment about girls getting heavy, and his high paying job will take the heat off your cheap ass, and the nasty Squirt/Shasta pineapple punch you cheated your guests with. | |||||||||||
