2005-12-27 - 2:10 p.m.

Merry Christmas Diaryland Peeps

Sanetwin get Jack Pumpkin head for christmas. Its from return to Oz. He's this very nice creature that just needs some TLC. Its just...he's got a pumpkin for a head. And thats really not a big deal. I also will give you chicken feed. And flowberts.

Golfwindow I would get you something to allow me to look at the smut on your site because it's blocked my work computer. I'm appreciative to have a pornographer reading my site.

Matty This one is easy. I'd get you a name collar for your cat that was digital so you could change the cats tag as often as its name. One day its Flo, then its "crapass" and then its "Mr Meowchi" and then its "Pussykicker". You know. Whatever you feel like. This gift would be from the Sharper Image and would break in a week.

Al - I'd get you platinum tickets to the Leafs, because you actually have a good hockey team worth seeing. Either that or make you GM of the Bruins because ours is an asshat.

jennifer -- Monsta Seats. I mean come on? That's like the Hope diamond in Boston.

Procrasto I will give Joe Thorton, because if he can't play for us at least he can go to a team in a town that actually cares about hockey. I'd give you your wish to have Toronto to suffer, but I like Toronto. I'm not sure which city I like more however.

Summer Gale You shall get a lunch pale � full of pickles. Jesus shaped pickles.

Oddfish You get pills. Whatever kinda pills you want. In fact it can be anything as long as its in pill form.

The Pala I will buy you an Impala. A chevy impala. Thank me later.


Clipchick I will buy you a sniper rifle. It's for Alex Smith. He told me he was hungry� for a lead sandwich.

Belle for Christmas I'd get you a cat. Sorry. That's just mean. Hehehe.

Durken � I'd get you a website.

Pfirsich what could I possibly get you that would measure up the quality of the comments that you have left me. Thank you. Thank you from me and Jimmy Smitts.

Infamy I would give you the ability to spell. Because god knows you need it. And also a nice smooth single malt scotch. Because happiness doesn't grow in trees. Its taken from trees and fermented in a large wooden cask.


Jackie I'd get your husband an accountant. This, honestly, is just so you can sleep better at night. Also: You might be on here twice with a locked diary...my readers might revolt!

Phil Lots of people want peace on earth. I just want better Asian bathrooms. I mean, they have such small anuses. (sorry. I'm trying to be funny; not racist. Me so sorry.)

A Witty Kitty Lots and Lots of mistletoe.

Candoor I want to get you an electric lion. One that breathes fire. And babies.

Bethany I'd give ya Dido back, just so you would have last chance to win him back with a "reunion" style B.J.


Zying -- Do you know what the difference between a good man and a bad man is? A good man is much better than a bad man. Merry Christmas.

Alice I will arrange a steel cage match fight between two opponents that people would love to see fight. Here is the gift. You pick who fights. GO!

Tarnia you'd get you the Chronicles of Narnia. Honestly. Who are you!?!

DK I'd get you a fine young boy to entertain for a weekend. The catch would by the mistletoe pubic hair.

Cloudy Remember the Pony Express. Neither do I. I don't think people appreciate ponies anymore. I bet you do, so I would get you a pony. I'd just ship it express.

Andy I'd get you a caf�. I'd call it Andy's Caf�. Good name huh?

Erika Sleep. That's it. That's all you get.

Kelly You get coal. Retard shaped coal. If you want to know what that looks like, I suggest watching episodes of Family Matters. TGIF. Look it up.

Jes gets bacon for Christmas. If there was one meat that I would put my money on to convert the morally minded and health conscious the ways of the darkside � its bacon. Its like Avian water for a desert cactus.

Razor -Vixen needs a job she can love.

Ange gets a butterfly angel with pigeon wings.

Moonfaeryy Gets a + 3 mace so that she can fight for the Faeryy championship against �

MagpieFaerie � who will get a trident and a net. Remember Magpie�the net�its useful. Don�t waste it.

Chillier gets a choice of either a threesome with Tom Brady and his girlfriend Ms. Moynahan, or a immortal dog that may or may not be the next baby Jesus

E-beth gets E-bola. Just kidding. That�s mean. I�d give you something that wouldn�t kill you. Like a garden snake�or the eyes of your enemy.

Acorn gets a squirrel. Hehe. I�m just laughing thinking about it.

Kevin will get a new name. Brian. Brian Russell Acorn. And the Squirrels. Oh how the Squirrels will decend!

Luva for you I shall grant three wishes. One must be a little bit country. One must be a little bit rocking roll. And finally the last one must incorporate Lemon Lime diet pepsi.

victorianna picture this. Cheese Strings. Remember those�you�d peel the cheese from the sides. Now picture a hole in the middle � and we fill it with a Cheese Whiz/Velveeta combo. Two Words: Merry Christmas.

Jackie I would give your diary two things. First; a new name. I understand its you, but do you know how hard that is to spell. Second; a key, so someone can read it!

Rok gets an interview with the great and mighty Chtulu � and while it might be a short interview, it�d be worth it.

BTM gave me kind words this year. In return I will give her a silver candle. It will be made of silver. Some will say the real meaning of this gift is to fashion bullets in order to take down werewolves. You decided.

Jamie � Do you like scotch? Yes.

Clarity I�m giving you a money spanking of 458. MPH! Since only two of us know what we are talking about, it will seem like an inside joke. Beat that.

Anneliese your gift is really easy. Two weeks child free. Sometimes that stuff can just get really overwhelming.

Andria We are giving you the Boston Red Sox in the L.A. Dodgers. Seriously. Look at that team. Soon Theo will be the GM.

Anne gets a torrid affair with a 20 something rockstar. Or to personally name the next Usher Album that comes out. Her choice� Personally, I think calling the next Usher album �The Black JT� would be hard to pass up.

Sarah can suck it with her newly renovated New York Yankees team. I hope you are happy. I saw a child crying in the steet asking his mother why life had to be so cruel.

�Because you are a Red Sox Fan son�because you are a Red Sox fan.�
�But Mommy, I don�t wanna be a Red Sox fan��
�None of us do. But we don�t have a choice.�

Then the little kid stabbed himself with an ice cream cone as the Red blood dripped from his Johnny Damon shirt onto Yawkey way.

Merry Christmas.

Heather! I hardly even know her! Seriously though. Your diary�s name is Tragic. Not �its so bad its tragic like �monkeyjizzspank.diaryland.com� but its actually tragic. I�d rename it drama, because come�on. Who wouldn�t want that diary name!

Good Bi Boy my gift to you is on layaway. Because I wondered something. What kinda boy do you like? Like do you enjoy the real pretty boy who is metro and kinda femine? Or do you like the uber Magnum P.I. type with hairy chest and a gun. I�m just wondering if there is a crossover between your double sided interests.

Example: I don�t like milk, and I hate eggs�but I love eggnog.

sexyatheist Christmas Football for you. So the Colts have lost two (one real) in a row. Your coaches son died�and they don�t know when he�ll be back? Bill Belechick�s father died this year too. I see this movie like setting in Indianapolis where these two long standing rivals square off to face one anther. One, the grizzled veterans who have been here every year that have started rolling and working and clicking. They are the �Mr. October� of football. The other a career year team with all the right moves desperate to prove that they are our equals, and feeling that this might be their one last chance before the wheels come off.

I�ll give you a preview. If the Patriots are really the Yankees of football�we will somehow pull it out. And its gonna hurt.

But maybe�just maybe�there will be that one time when it goes your way�and suddenly everything is right.

But it took 86 years over here. So �maybe next year�.

At least that�s what I hope.

Dingus, Datchery, Unclepumpkin, and Kerbang. I give you hope for the 20th, 21st, 22nd and 23rd of January

And to anyone I forgot -- (and I took these names almost exculsivly from comments this month, so Its not like I was trying to leave you out) -- You get...



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