2003-09-08 - 1:29 p.m. Love 6 Separation �I don�t think this is going to work out,� Kristen told me, �You just don�t know what I am going through?� �Do you think that someone else will? Do you think someone else will try to take the time to care?� We had met about seven years ago in a park in high school. She had asked me for a push on the tire because she couldn�t get it moving herself. Ever since then she has told me that she needed me. That was until today. �It�s not an issue if someone else will Michael. It�s an issue that you don�t.� �It�s not because I don�t want to honey. I can�t read your mind. I want to help. My desire to help you is real.� �Micheal, you never follow through. You just stand there and watch me cry sometimes. What is going through your head?� I actually usually think about how fragile she looks, and I am scared to touch her. I don�t understand it, but she will just burst into tears and fall into a heap on the follow. She looks so helpless, and yet so broken. When I was little, I broke the window when I was playing with a football in the house. I remember watching the glass splinter and break. Shards all over the living room floor, but I just stood there frozen. I was fixated on how sharp the glass looked when it was broken. I was afraid. I was terrfied it would cut me, so I just stood there. �I don�t know what I was thinking, but I do know that it has nothing to do with how I feel for you. I just am not trained to handle everything that happens. It�s not like there is a book on this sort of thing Kristy.� Kristen stepped back from me, which frightened me and put her hands up to her face. I don�t know what she is going to do but I don�t think it�s good. �Aww Honey, I am sorry. I am just confused.� �I am confused to, but that doesn�t give you the right to cut me down. You make me seem like I am a problem that you can fix. A problem that you can just figure out the best method to silence.� But that is what I think. I think that relationships can be fixed. It�s just hard work. But I feel like she doesn�t want to be fixed. It�s like she is resisting my attempts to make her better. My calming influence, the one that worked before, no longer settle her. They only make her more hysterical. �Come here and give me a hug� �I don�t want a hug you oaf. I want a man. I want someone who can comfort me and me it. I want someone who can act not run away from danger and trouble.� �I don�t run away! I am here now. I have never left you. I have never cheated on you. I could have but I never have!� �What does that mean, �I could have!�?� she demanded, her eyes sucking back the tears leaving only a bitter anger in her eyes. �I am just saying that I am a good partner. I am someone who is there for you when ever you need it. I want you to understand what choices I made.� �When you say choice, you ass, it sounds like you mean sacrifice. Are you trying to make me guilty for everything YOU had to give up?! You think I have done everything that I have wanted to?� She�s good. I did mean sacrifice. But isn�t that what choices are? Don�t we all give up something in order to do something else? I wasn�t trying to guilt her, but I was just trying to show her I wasn�t a weak man. I think I have only upset her more. �I am not a feeble person Kristen. I have always stood on me own two feet.� �This isn�t about you� �Oh bullshit. You have been yelling at me this whole time about things I did. About things I say. About how I never react to things that happen. This certainly is about me!� �It�s about us.� She does these things just to walk me into traps like that. I take the bait everytime. I am such a sucker. I think that men are so easy to figure out, that we are complex. We want to minimize work and maximize fun. Is there more than that? I don�t think so? �That�s what I meant. Us�� �Do you remember how we met Michael?� �Yes I do. We met at that park. You were by yourself trying to get the swing to move.� �That day is what is wrong with this whole relationship.� I think back. All I can remember is us being young and falling in love. We didn�t have a care in the world. She just sat there as I spun her around. She squealed with delight at feeling even younger than we were then. I can�t think of anything that went wrong that day. �Oh I can�t wait to hear this theory Kristy.� �Don�t you see why we feel in love? I needed you, but you didn�t need me. You have never needed me. If I wasn�t there, you would have just kept on walking and had a wonderful day. If you weren�t there I would have just have sat in that swing and waited, because I was the one that was helpless Micheal. Not you. I am helpless. I am in love, and you just stick around.� �Kristy, you have it all wrong. Love isn�t about need. I don�t love the air cause I need it to breathe. I love the sand cause I love the way it feels in my feet. That day isn�t what is wrong with us. We don�t need each other. You would have been fine without me.� �No Mike, love is needing the other person.� �Kristen, that is dependence. That makes for unhealthy relationships. Love is choosing to be with the other person. Love is choosing to stay when you could just as easily leave.� | |||||||||||
