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Gump: Hey God, I had a few questions.
God: Dude, not you again.
Gump: Whats wrong with me?
God: You�re always �prove this and prove that� and that bullshit. I�ve got a lot of people to take care of and your going to die soon anyway.
Gump: I AM!
God: Relatively.
Gump: Listen, I want to just clear this up. Give me a lot of money, and I�ll in believe you.
God: I did! Christ you are white and live in America!
Gump: Baby, relatively rich�rich to the other white people.
God: That�s pushing your luck!
Gump: What do you care! It�s not like money matters to you!
God: We aren�t talking about me. I�m trying to teach you the value of money.
Gump: Trust me, I value money.
God: You don�t get it do you?
Gump: Listen. I get it. Its one of those �if I do this for you, � cosmic inflation� bad karma � 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42 � I get it.
God: Then you know I can�t do it.
Gump: Figured.
God: Do you want me to call him?
Gump: Do you want me to give my soul to you?
God: You know, technically that�s MY soul.
Gump: Possession is 9/10ths baby.
God: You know that�s technically MY rule.
Gump: Live by the sword, die by the sword.
God: You are just talking to hear yourself speak.
Gump: Well�this is a dialogue. Are you gonna get me Satan or what?
God: *snaps* Hello Satan.
Satan: This guy�s credits no good.
Gump: Bullshit.
Satan: Condo? I think you put up an arm and leg for collateral. �
Gump: � and�
Satan: I need a whole soul.
Gump: Jesus Christ!
God: You know, technically, he�s not Latin. He�s Jewish.
Gump: Really? Why did you think I thought he was Latin?
God: Cause I made you think that. Jesus kinda looks like Larry David.
Satan: If Larry David was wicked ugly.
Gump: Jesus is ugly?
Satan: Lets just say HE wasn�t made in Gods image.
God: Its hard fitting God into a human�.I forgot�some aesthetic qualities.
Satan: All powerful huh?
God: Hey even the omnipotent can get a little distracted.
Gump: Guys. I need some money. I need it now. Who�s gonna make this happen?
God: I�ve got it. I�ll give you the money.
Satan: Yeah. He�s got it.
Gump: What the fuck. This makes no sense.
Satan: Welcome to my world.
God: I didn�t say I had all the answers. But I should have.
Gump: God, you can do anything right?
God: Yes. Except Mork and Mindy. I don�t know what I was thinking. That show sucked.
Gump: And you can make anything right?
God: Yes.
Gump: And you are immortal right?
God: Again Yes.
Gump: Can you make me a gun to kill you?
Satan: If he does this kid, I�ll give your mom her soul back.
Gump: My mom�s not dead.
Satan: Yet�.
God: Sure I can make a gun that can kill me. But it can�t kill me.
Gump: Now that make sense.
Satan: Welcome to my world.
God: Who wants trail mix?
Gump: Meh. Okay.
God: Upon accepting this, you must forgo all your earth possessions!
Gump: Okay�no trail mix then.
God: But this trail mix is heavenly!
Gump: Meh. I don�t really like trailmix.
Satan: I�m going with Gump on this one. Your trailmix sucks.
God: I will make you like the trail mix!
Gump: You can�t.
God: Why not!
Gump: Free will baby. You can�t make me do anything. I don�t even think you are real.
God: Crap! Free will was the stupidest idea ever.
Satan: Actually cooking me up wasn�t really bright either.
God: Why do I suck so bad! I can�t do anything right *stupid*
Gump: Give me the lottery numbers�and all is forgiven!
God: The lottery numbers are 3, 7, 21, 24, 48 powerball of 33.
Gump: Finally. Thanks bitches!
God: Bitches?
Gump: You, JC, and the Funky spirit.
God: You know money is worthless in heaven. This is the place for the meek.
Gump: Not if I cut a deal with Mr. Red Horns for some immortality.
Satan: Dude�did you forget�you don�t have a whole soul.
Gump: I�m planning on eating someone. Do soul�s mix?
Satan: Yup.
Gump: Okay. I�ll kill someone, win the lottery, eat them, give you my soul�and theirs � and then I�ll get my arm and leg back from the condo�and I�ll be a guy with � soul, rich, immortal, and I don�t have to worry about anything.
God: You have to worry about your sins Gump.
Gump: Rich people don�t sin God! Don�t you know this!
God: I give up. Were you listening to the bible when it said the poor and meek will inherit the earth?
Gump: You just made that up to make poor people worship you.
God: Well � yeah, but that doesn�t mean your shouldn�t heed the warning.
Gump: I�m gonna be immortal. This is it puppyskates. I don�t have to heed shit. You fools are suckas. I�m out.
Satan: You are just going to let him walk away?
God: I said he win A lottery. I never said which one�
Satan: Nice. Well I didn�t tell him souls don�t mix. He�s gonna eat that whole fat man for nothing.
God: Not one of my smartest creations.
Satan: You say that about all of em�
God: And I've never been wrong.
Satan: And you just love that don't you... God: Infallibility has its upsides.
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