2003-07-30 - 2:31 p.m. Five Questions Okay Folks. Everyone loves these survey things. Well, not everyone, but I do!!! This one�s called five questions. Its interactive (ohh and Ahhh). So I got it from Anniewaits18 So mega props to her. Here�s the deal. She asked me FIVE original questions. I will now answer them and post them in my diary. Then anyone else who wants to take it, just email me, and I will ask YOU five questions that I custom make. It should be pretty rad. Act quick, but read it first. However I can�t do anything normal, so what I will so is answer the question and then fictionally answer it in a funny way. Without further ado: 1. As you know, Kerbang is a mutual friend of ours. How exactly did you guys meet? What is the worst fight (if any) you guys have ever gotten in? If you haven't gotten in any fights, why not? What is the funniest experience you guys have shared? Kerbang and I met at Will Wood�s house on a breezy sleezy Saturday morning. Ironically we were in Middle school and we had gathered there to play games with Will. Kerbang and I both liked Will. Overtime, Will grew distant from us, since he really didn�t like school anymore, and started hanging around with �bad� kids. Now he is really successful and Kerbang and I are friends. Our friendship was mostly solidified through our love of a card game call Magic the Gathering. I am the biggest tool ever. I don�t fight. Kerbang does. He likes a good fight. He like to argue. We debate, which is something I don�t think either of us really consider a fight. Afterwards we are never mad at one another. I was witness to a few huge fights that Kerbang has had with other people. Man they were big. There was Sam and Kerbang in Sam�s basement when they got into a heat discussion over whether priests should be murdered (you had to be there). There was a huge fight between Kerbang and Becca, a few times, but they dated for so long. Then there was the time Kerbang and Datchery exploded at one another in Medford and Datchery threatened to drive off. Interesting fact. If you put the word �kerbang� in this website under the who category it comes up �Kerbang is wicked surly when he drinks� which is a quote from Datchery. Kerbang is a fighter. But mostly about rules and morality. I am passive aggressive beyond imagination. I rarely argue. I seek revenge. This isn�t often, because I am kind in nature, but I will do things to you years later even if I have forgiven you for the prior incident. This usually makes my friend think I am crazy. They are right. Kerbang and I usually have a good relationship. If I fuck with him, he will tell me to stop fucking with him. I will stop, and never seek revenge when I am in the wrong. He is very good about calling bullshit, so I rarely bullshit him The funny Kerbang and I met at a Sting Concert. He bought me a mug. We hugged, but then the mug broke and I threw him into the crowd cause I was so angry. But people just tossed him around, and this is how crowd surfing began. That and crowd groping. 2. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, that later, you realize, was probably the best thing to happen to you? In High school, my second girlfriend Laura broke up with me, and then tried to get back together with me. I was trying to date this other girl AND tried to date Laura. It all blew up. This was good cause me and the other girl are still friends and Laura and I would have tried to gone to college together. I am much happier now, but at the time I was a wreck. The Funny The worst thing was when my dog shit on me while I slept in the night. But it was okay, cause it was like a mud bath, and it turns out I like being pooped on; R. Kelly style 3. You mention that you are adopted. Do you wish you had brothers and sisters? Do you wish to see your biological parents? Do you plan on adopting children yourself in the future? No. I have never wished I had siblings. I thank the stars that I didn�t. Why you might ask? I hate the idea of being forced to be nice to someone, no matter what. Plus, if I was the adopted son, and they were the biological kid. Forget it. No good. I am the favorite. I am the most successful child. I am the center of attention. No need to change that. I may want to open the files to my parents. I know a little. I don�t think I will be impressed, but who knows. They made the right decision. Well. My mom did. I may adopt children. I wouldn�t be opposed to it at all. But I imagine my wife will want kids. There is a lot of genetic guessing work that goes into adoption that can be a hassle. I think it�s mostly about how you raise a child. However, in some situations I think adoption is really hard. Like I worked with little heroin addicted kids. I wouldn�t want to adopt one though. They are damaged goods. Also, if I adopted a child of another race, I would worry about raising him with my white �no culture no belief� credo. I feel that a child of race usually comes from a distinct culture and would feel alienated most his/her life were I to raise them. That�s not to say I wouldn�t, but I had a Black friend who was adopted to a white family. He had a really hard time growing up. I think that it would have been better to be accepted into a black family that could relate better to his feelings and questions of cultural background. I would adopt a gay child in a heartbeat. The Funny I plan on stealing children, if that�s what you mean by adopt. I will �adopt� them for a little bit, until someone else gives me some clams to �adopt� my kids. Its really quite simple. I was considering stealing babies and then selling them back to their owners. Like a little baby blackmail�.I mean� re-adoption. 4. What ten rules would you give girls (even though I know you are taken) on how to woo someone such as yourself? 1) Don�t ever act Crazy until the deal is sealed. Girls can be pretty crazy sometimes in the eyes of guys. Girls will complain about things and then get all upset if you eat their food, or don�t turn off the faucet the right way. Like, were I to go to a girls apartment where she lived, everything I did would be wrong. Girls seem to have this thing where their mom�s taught them that things are to be done a certain way. They can�t escape this. Guys were rarely taught this. Don�t go crazy on us when we do something wrong. I mean if we are being disrespectful, but ask yourself as I put the Doritos back without a clip, if it�s worth yelling at me for. Wait until I am whipped. 2) Don�t have sex on the first date. Sure. I might want to, but don�t give in. Afterwards I will wonder about that. Does she do that with all types of guys? Different guys? That were better than I was? I better never call her again. Plus when we have had sex, I know a lot of guys who feel like they have �won.� This means the race is over, and so is the relationship. 3) For me; be my friend first. I have never really dated someone who wasn�t my friend first. First, it will make me feel worse about screwing you over. Second this is because I don�t want to take a blind taste test when it comes to emotions and relationships. Plus if you are my friend and you are cool, I may actually start pursuing you!!! If I don�t though, after say six months of hanging out, get me real drunk, and then see if I do. If I don�t I have no interest. It�s the six month write off. 4) Don�t hook up with/date a married or taken man. It is okay to date/hook up with a taken girl (if you don�t know her attachment) because girls usually do this because they are unhappy in the relationship. However with a guy, oh man, we don�t want another relationship; we want sex. We are not cheating to get out of a relationship either, we just want some sort of sexual deviancy that we aren�t getting with the current attachment. In general�I�m sure there are exceptions. (suckers) 5) Don�t change too much. This will just create more heartache when I realize I have been fooled. If you like the Red Sox great�lets go. If you don�t that no big deal, but don�t turn anti-red sox on me. Like, I had this friend who HATED baseball. She would just bitch about it all the time, knowing that I liked it. I never ask you to like it; just don�t rail on something I like. This goes for a lot of things, like music, dorkism, clothing, and eating habits. Girls tend to pounce all over this stuff and pick guys apart. If I eat my tacos with a fork, its weird but its me. Don�t yell at me for it. I will never understand why that bothers girls so much. You can comment, like, �Oh Gump, wouldn�t this shirt go well with these shoes.� Not, �Gump, Did an asthmatic Christmas Elf dress you on its cigarette break.� Guys don�t know fashion until later in life. And even then not to many of us. Oh and if you are a Yankees fan forget it; I could never really respect you in a relationship. 6) You better like something that I do. Often time�s people can be attracted to guys for money, looks, or status. Listen, guys know this and use it in our flirting. However, you better like us for something else, something unique. That is what will keep us coming back to you. Laugh at jokes. Do your homework. 7) Guys are pigs. We look for the hottest girl. It�s pretty typical that we usually look for girls that are out of our league. This is because we want the �best.� You can argue over what the best is, but for the most part guys go by the hottest. For these few girls, just sit back and wait. However, if you are like 99% of girls out there, attractive and cute and feel that your personality has more to offer to the world than others, then listen up. Since the feminist movement, guy now have the luxury of equality. This means that girls can chase guys and visa versa. However, I feel that guys are more lazy about this than girls and rarely act Neurotic if they don�t have a girlfriend. This means that girls are going to be doing most the chasing. Chase girls. Chase. We will �get around to it.� But if you want a man, go get one. We prefer that. 8) Tests. NO TESTS. I know that if I ever went out with Anniewaits18, then she would have me in a room watching a comedy. She would judge me by watching my reactions to the movie. Did I laugh at the right moments? He laughed at that? Why is that funny? Tests=crazy. Don�t test guys, we are idiots. We DON�T think of you first, until later in the relationship. We DO make decisions that are best for us. If a girl ever told me that I failed her �test� in the beginning of a relationship, I would let her know that she just failed mine. And I would dump her. No tests. No Drama. 9) My experience in life is that guys TEND to get girls in or above their �league.� Rarely do I see guys dating girls that are under their league. At the same time I think girls are picky about guys (how can I blame them), but a general rule I have is to stop having expectations. Julia Roberts dated Lyle Lovitz, while Madeline Albright never dated Brad Pitt. Why? I don�t know. What I do know is some attractive girls who are single and far to picking in guys. If you are picky, then that means you have to wait for the guy. If you just want to date, stop being picky. Men are pretty universally awful. 10) I don�t agree with this, but sex can be a tool. I will share with you one technique which I feel has a very, very high level chance of customer satisfaction. This is for Girls only. (or gay men) * Cue mission impossible theme song * You are going to need a third date, a movie, and a six pack. The third date will be a casual one, where the first two were most likely formal. Ask if you can watch a movie at his place. He will think sex the whole way. The movie must be something light, and not great, but agreeable to both of you. You pick it. It also could be something discussed in previous dates, one you have both seen a ton of times. When you pick it, make sure that it has a dead spot in the middle where nothing interesting really happens. I recommend Stripes or Uncle Buck. But I was born a long time ago. HAHA Anyway, the drinking pace should be 4 beers for the end of the movie each. However, the minute he puts the second beer down, that�s when you go down on him. Like I said I don�t condone it, but this activity is going to do several things. First, if you do it right, it will take his mind off sex. This is good. He will probably offer to do something to you. Refuse. Even if you want it, refuse, and crack open another beer. The way to refuse is simple. Say, �Maybe next time.� This will make him think about a) next time, and b) you saying next time until �next time� Also, when you are done, and you give him a beer, this will be about 5/8 to 3/4 the way through the movie. You are in control. You are giving him a beer. The movie is still playing and you are still there. The guy will no longer be thinking about putting the moves on you. He will be thinking about relaxing, having a beer, and watching a movie. He will also be thinking of you. In fact, now that his mind is off sex, and he isn�t worried about sex, he will most likely talk to you a lot. And it will be good conversation. It will be quality --we both aren�t thinking about sex-- conversation. This will last a long time because the movie that you have seen, or is only slightly good is still playing and you two will be too into each other to care. In fact, it will probably last after the movie ends. Then after you say your goodbyes, he will think that was the best date ever, and be looking forward to �next time.� You will have had good conversation and probably felt like a couple for at least 45-hour there. It will be a very intimate relaxing experience. Plus you didn�t have to sleep with him. I would bet that all week he will think about that. (maybe longer!) You can thank me at your wedding. Disclaimer: If after you are done, he gives you the �its late� or the �well off to bed� turns off the movie and ushers you out the door he is an asshole and just wanted sex. Maybe you will feel cheap or used or something, but it�s better than if you slept with him. Cut your losses. I don�t believe in tests, but I do believe in respect. The Funny 1) Don�t drink all his beer the first time you meet him. Unless he�s hot. 2) Get drunk whenever you see him 3) Sex is for Lovers 4) Fukk�ng isn�t a city in China 5) No hair there or beware 6) Insult his penis. He will like it. (�This looks like a Limp noodle�) 7) Tell him how hot his friend Bill is, but while you are doing it grab you crush�s cock. 8) Flirt with his Dad. 9) Tell him that you are a nun. (Nun�s are hot) 10) Beat him up. (Not off) 5. If we were to live together (this is hypothetical of course), what things/habits/annoyances would you warn me about before living with you? What would be some benefits on having you as a roommate? Okay. First thing first. The bad and annoying My sleep habits are annoying. But I am quite at night, so this might not be a problem. I am usually happy, but sometimes I like to get really really depressed and put on really depressing music and sulk about life. I don�t do drugs. Is this a problem? Might be. I hope you like Sports, because that�s what the TV likes. I am annoying. I test your limits. I like to experiment on thresholds of anger. I will learn your buttons so fast. With you, I would say something that would make you want to fight with me (conversation wise) and then I wouldn�t fight with you. I like to get drunk and watch sport center late at night. I pass out with it blasting. I will talk to you about things like transcendence and God. I lurk. Oh God do I lurk. You may not understand this, but you will. My gas is limited, but when it comes, holy shit. I sometimes will not answer your questions. Direct questions. Like�Where�s the peanut butter. I am smug when I am pleased with myself. I may make you take picture of me dressed as a robot. I don�t nap. All my friends are dorks. I like to have parties with lots of hot boys. Good parties. Patriots Sundays are fun for girls and guys. I am really laid back. I won�t argue. Do you like to drink?! I don�t care if you fart. Ever. I will do what you say. I keep a well stocked house. I like to cook, and don�t mind cleaning. Will kill all foreign animals. I have some nice equipment. (take that as you will) I will talk to you a lot if you want, and will go away when you want. I will laugh at your jokes. I will listen to your stories. Good at moving things. I love to go to the movies and I have tricks to get us in free or cheap. My friends will come over a lot, and will become your friends. Lots of single friends�I can think of eight that I know in Boston. The Funny The good I will wear you underwear, but only where you are there. The Bad. You will have to shave my back. Though it has no hair. Everyday. With a lint remover. That�s hand cranked. Bonus question: Why the HELL is gray your favorite colour? What is your favorite ice cream flavour? Gray is my favorite color because it is the most depressing color, and also my favorite color of the sky. I like the look of gray snow clouds covering the city. I link Black and White photos and movies. Gray is the blending of black and white, and I find it to be the perfect color. I worked in an Ice Cream store for my real first job. I love ice cream. From that store they make a Vanilla Peanut Butter Cup, which remains to be my favorite of all time. OKAY. If you want to take this, here is the cut and paste part. You can ask me or anniewaits18 to write the questions. 1 -- Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed. 2 -- I will respond; I'll ask you five questions. 3 -- You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five answers. 4 -- You'll include this explanation. 5 -- You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed. | |||||||||||
