2003-12-01 - 9:51 p.m. And it�s dark The things that she never saw in me was exactly what I wanted all along. It was like I just hid everything that was inside me to try and protect her from my REAL thoughts. But why did I not like my real thoughts? Was it something that I was never supposed to understand? All I have ever wanted I thought I had, but now I know that I don�t have it? This isn�t me. Sometimes I laugh at things that would make most cry. Is it because I am scared of my feelings? Or is it because I really don�t care? I don�t know which I would prefer; to be fake or to be empty. But I thought that I could love. It seems that I just can�t care. Not anymore. But then at the worst times when I feel the emptiest; that�s when the feelings come. They flood, and I unable to control them like I do in my normal life. They come when it�s late and they come when it�s dark. Also, when I imagine when death will come... But sometimes things are just wrong. It�s like the world is out of phase. But I know�the earth revolves around the sun, and I am the one who is out of phase with the world. But what can I do about that? She still so far away from me. It�s like the time between here and there grows greater the later that it gets. It grows deeper and wider the more time passes. But I am cold. And it�s late And it�s dark And the last thing I should be doing is listening to other people And more than that. Listening to myself. | |||||||||||
