Top Thirty Facts about Jack Bauer
Fact:
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Fact:
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Fact:
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Fact:
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk. (Incidentially I still like this one, but Helen Keller was blind...not mute)
Fact:
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Fact:
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Fact:
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
Fact:
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Fact:
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Fact:
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Fact:
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Fact:
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
Fact:
If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
Fact:
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Fact:
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.
Fact:
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Fact:
If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.
Fact:
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
Fact:
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
Fact:
Jack Bauer killed Inigo Montoya's father, because he was prepared to die. He didn't.
Fact:
As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"
Fact:
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Fact:
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Fact:
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
Fact:
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Fact:
Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
Fact:
Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn't want to.
Fact:
While being �put under� in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
Fact:
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
Fact:
Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
