2005-09-26 - 12:44 p.m. 100,000 years ago!!!! This is a diversion. This will be less popular than my other entries, and I shall return with more Girl/Guy entries later this week! ***note: all time's should be read in your head with a loud booming movie trailer guy voice. My question is � what was it like 100,000 years ago!!! I think it was after the ice age, but before civilization? Here are some of my theories. 100,000 years ago Peyton Mannings G8 Grandfather had sex with Dan Marino�s G8 Grandmother to create the Greatest Quarterback least likely to win a big game. 100,000 years ago a caveman like Adam Vinatieri was still making big kicks. The City of Atlantis had a good Rap scene. Although some found the Rap artists life style decadent, it was permitted due to the funky beats. The Egyptians were trying out their not so famous �Circle� Pyramid. It was later renamed �the only thing the slave�s hated it more than Devo�s Whip it.� The Babylonians named a rock Ed. This was the first time the name �ed� was used. It was short for Eddy. Sharks had just recently gave up flying. When asked why they replied, �Because Fuck that.� Tom Green was still a one trick pony. All One Trick Ponies actually had two tricks. One was a little dancing trot that was cute. The other was blowing up instantly. Despite being a crowd pleaser, the remaining ponies voted that �One trick ponies� was a better name anyway. The Red Sox finished in Second place. Nostradamus was able to text messaged Marty McFly with a message reading �?won em raeh uoy nac� Marty didn�t get it. The Mythical creature �The Sphinx� was still using the same stupid riddle. Dick Clark was born on New Years. New Years then was celebrated on Jan 18th, due to less Snailasaurus attacks. Snailasaurus were a mythical beast so lame, no one besides Dick Clark cares about them. San Francisco was still full of hippies. Sam Beckett leaped into MacGuiver�s body, resulting in what TV Critics would later call �A Baffling Cross over attempt.� The Seinfeld finale still wasn�t funny, and the Friends finale was still wicked predictable. The work wicked was used only in terms of witches. It meant �Very Awesome.� The Red Slippers were actually time traveling devices resulting in Dorothy still actually being in Kansas, just in the past. Since she wasn�t up with lingo, she actually forced extinction upon the Flying Monkey species, which some say was good for the world. Others felt that is was a mistake and formed a timeless cult based on these teachings believing that the dust of the monkeys could be restored and the race of monkey creatures could once again be free to roam. The cults popularity peaked during the 70�s with their Cult band Kansas� hit Dust in the Wind In the past, the prehistoric walrus had eaten a salmon full of eggs and a male salmon. The tiny fish spawned in the walrus� stomach and he had bad indigestion. The Phenomenon of girlfriend widows didn�t exist. Bill Cower was coaching the Steelers. Seriously. That guy has been there FOREVER! I still don�t understand where the racist term �Gook� came from. This has nothing to do with 100,000 years ago, when there were no �Gooks�. Except for the �Gookie Monster� but that was killed off leaving only the Gilia Monster as the only living monster in modern day. Gookies were later replaced by cookies, and a more appropriate and P.C. monster was invented. Popular to Contrary Belief, The Midnight Stalks Celery. 100,000 years ago, Homer was drawn all weird and his voice wasn�t right and the Simpson�s was a lot less funny. Petting Zoo�s used to have Wooly Mammoths, but animal petters were disappointed because they were more greasy than wooly. Sabertooth Tigers were actually Puma�s. They were very upset over the mistake. Adam and Eve were about 2 years old. Sidenote: I love writing these crazy ones, but the biggest problem I think is figuring out how to end them. Like, should I put the funniest one last? Should I have a theme, and the last one tie them together? What if people are just skimming? What if there is no theme cause its all insane? How do you end it then? Probably in some cheesy way� | |||||||||||
