2003-06-12 - 11:50 a.m. Dreams 1 TMNT Power
I was sleeping in class. People around me were all talking and woke me up. I was still very young, but I felt strangely stronger than I ever had before. Steven challenged me to an arm wrestling match for some reason. All the boys gathered around. Steven had never lost before, expect once to Rob Harvey. We locked hands, and battled. People we cheering for Steven, but then he almost had me pinned, but I started to come back. I started to push back and I wouldn�t be pinned. Then the people started cheering for me. As the crowd grew I pinned him and everyone cheered, even Steven. He was very happy I beat him. The teacher had brought in ice cream cake for the class. It said �GumpHood is awesome� on it.
Tracy Gilcrest winked at me. Her braces were shinny, but she stuck out her tongue at me. But not in a gross way. She did it in a new way. A way that made me flustered. A way that made me think bad things about her tongue.
I went over to her and asked her if she wanted to dance. She accepted cause she thought that I was cool. She told me that. The lights dimmed and the reflections of the disco ball were running across our faces. The classroom was empty. She kissed me. She told me that she had always wanted to do that. Then we started making out, with our braced teeth and slobbering tongues. Then we laid down on the teachers desk. She got on top of me and said, �You need to get up.� Flustered, I woke up and it was time for school. 3/28/90 Ahh the joys of middle school. I was a really uncool kid. You see, being an only child and having almost no friends through grammar school, no one really hands you the memo to let you know that its not cool to wear sweat pants to school. Oh and man were they not cool. I used to get ragged on so bad for the first month of school. Sweat pants Gumpy, loser of the 6th Grade Block B. Man. It was hunting season on Gumps. Plus it didn�t help that the kid who sat behind me was like the class arm wrestling champ. He would wrestle anyone, and always won. I sat right ahead of him. I got a daily arm wrestling beating. It was great. Oh and the girls�man did the girls stay away from me. This one girl talked to me once, I swear it was off a bet. She was like the female decoy they put in the water to get the ducks to land. I was just waiting for the water balloon to the back. My worst moment in Sixth grade was for this project in music. See my mom believe in sheltering me from popular music, so the forbid MTV, and I never owned a CD. I only listened to my dad�s which was the 50�s and 60�s estravaganza. I liked it, but even I knew that wasn�t what I should talk about at school. Remember when I said I had no CD�s. I lied. I had one. Being a cartoon dork child of the eighties I loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And I loved the movie more. And my parents knew this, and when I was at the store and we saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Soundtrack CD, I had to have it. And have it I did. I listen the shit out of that CD. I bet I could still sing everyone of those songs. Oh yeah, back to the worst assignment ever. The music teacher charged us with this task. Bring in a song off a CD or record, and we will play it in class. Then the class will talk about it and try to figure out what musical instruments were in the tune. As you can imagine, I didn�t have a wide range of albums to choose from. So then the day arrived. Now it had gone on for awhile and I would lie if I told you this went well for anyone else either. Kids were crying. Balling their eyes out at the forced hummilation. They were just dropping like flies at the ridiculous songs they brought in. Christ, Kerbang brought in this song about the periodic table of element from the 1950�s. But none of that matters to me. I was next, and I had to go up, and write the song and track name on board. I scratched out T. M. N. T. as the album name. But all hope was gone as I submitted the song �Turtle Power, by M.C. Hammer. Oh my god. Before the track even started (but not the laughter), the teacher questioned the title. He made me say out loud the name of the acronym. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I announced like the town crier. Trust me, I would become the town crier. I hit play. M.C. Hammer starts �rapping� out the lyrics. T-U-R-T-L-E Power. And so on. Hunting season had begun and everyone had a gun. Perhaps if I were a stand up comedian I would have thought I brought the house down with the amount of laughter I caused. But I wasn�t. I was a laughter victim. The teacher actually paused the CD at one point to explain to everyone the need for them to be quite. I had to endure all 5:32 seconds of M.C. Hammers worst song. And it wasn�t just sitting though it that was bad, but rather that this song was what defined me, Gumphood, to the class. I held back the tears until I went to the bathroom. But then I cried. I cried like a baby. Why. Because there are moments where all you have left is tears. I wished that I had never woken up. There would be no cheering for me, no ice cream cake, and no popularity. And one thing was certain after that; no girl would ever want to make out with me in my entire life. That was all just a dream. | |||||||||||
