2003-04-18 - 10:51 a.m. Tired of talking without Emphasis? Alright You know how often times in a conversation you will use rabbit ears. No, I am not talking about those relics on top of TV's but rather the quotation marks. You will say something like; "Well I was Hip Hop dancing to Nirvona and Allen said that was quote "lame"" Now using that is quote "lame." People use other things to communicate like "Die with a Capital D", the bird, and other such suedo-signs, but we demand more from Pop Culture. Well I have a solution for you sign language hacks out there. Using the principle of stressing certain words, here comes Microsoft Lingo. **I wish you were dead**, would be so much better if you could just underline wish. Now you can. First take you right hand, and bring it level with your right shoulder. Make a fist, but leave your index finger pointed out. Now as you speak the word "wish" bring the finger from the right shoulder to the left shoulder without bringing it any closer to your body. (like a typewriter) Note --- this is done so the person you are talking to can see you are underlining the word. Now your friend just stand in shock as not only you proclaim your desire for his death but NOW you ---underlined WISH--- he would die.
He just might comply. The next one is for sarcasm. Say you think something is awful, but want to say it all snide. Well take this phrase "Oh thats just SOOOOO cool." Obviously you want to Italicize SOOOOO. Who wouldn't. But normally with regular talk you would just have to go with an over the top voice fluctuation. No longer Now all you have to do is look directly at the person you are talking to and start talking. When you come to the word so, bend your left knee slowley while dipping you left shoulder. This is tricky so you may want to practice in the mirror. The key is to be at the lowest point in the bend at the peak of the sarcasm. Trust me, your point will be made....in spades. Finally we come to the Bold. This is a little tricky because the emphasis here is a drastic important one, that is typically positive or at least important. The phrase is "That is GREAT!" The position is the Hulk Hogan muscle pose. This is when you get to the word "great" you want to form a circle of tension (not in your peers). Look directly at the person you are talking to. (eye contact is very important for this one) Then simultaneously bring both arms down and touch you clenched fists together directly above your crotch. You may have to bend your back a little. Make sure you DON'T LOCK YOU ELBOWS!!! thats the kiss of death. Instead once the arms are in place you must flex every muscle in your body at the same time while saying "GREAT!". Make sure to clench your teeth by tensing the jaw muscles. This will also create a deep throaty sound that will make people realize just how great the object in question is. Now I have heard girls complain that this last method often leaves them "showing too much cleveage" due to the bending in the back. I often reply, what's too much cleveage? However, realizing that this is more effective method for a male I would recommend a nice spice girl kick coupled with a punch in the air from the ladies. If this isn't satisfactory I have found that the women-folk often are skilled enough in other forms of non-verbal communication and don't need the muscle pose. All in all, add these three motions to your daily conversations and people will be looking at you in a whole new way. Trust me, the reaction is priceless. This will catch on like SARS. | |||||||||||
