2004-09-13 - 8:55 a.m. Wish me a brain Ah Monday, that means it�s a weekend recap. Well fuck that. I�m not doing a weekend recap today, because you don�t give a goddamn shit. What? Like the type of fries I ate on Saturday mean a good goddamn thing to you? Like if I told you I had a cran-man-mutherfucking-tastic weekend you would two whooptie whoops? No. You want to hear about my car accident which I never had. See I had this wish that I could make my car leap into the air and whiney like a horse. It was probably one of the top 10 all time worst wishes ever to be dreamt up in the history of humanity. I mean come on; I needed to get a grip! My car whiney like a horse? Shit, why didn�t I just wish for a giant steal horse that could travel at 100 MPH? How much better would that wish would have been? I would have wanted it to look like that dark black horse from the Rainbow Bright movie. Yes I saw it. Yes in the theater. Shut up. Anyway, so before I realized the delusion of my stupid wish, I rigged a series of ropes and pullies to yank my car into the air so at least it could whiney before I left for work in the morning. Well, sure, I had to make the whiney sound myself but it was a goddamn start, and even wolves have to walk before they run, and wolves kick ass. So I was in my car, and let go of the geometric weighted system as my car was hurtled into the air, its front ties sprawling in mid-air (I turned the wheel slightly to show some sign of intelligent movement), however, my idiocy continues as the ropes and levers we not set to ail a rapid decent. What I am saying is my car crashed and the freak shocks snapped. Now I have got a low rider, and not in a good way. I am talking about having to treat speed bumps like they were the freaking Berlin wall. College campus are out. Good thing I am not in college. And to cap it off, my friend isn�t talking to me now, because a stupid ass squirrel got underneath the car while I was �mid-whiney�. Now most of the time the thing would just dart left right left right, and then get killed, but this idiot squirrel was frozen. I suppose seeing a car doing the stupidest possible thing it could possibly do dumbfounds even the dimmest of animals. Anyway, so now my shock-less car is terrible, and as my friends mourn the deal of Nutty McSquirrel, I am left to drive around sparking up the neighborhood, wishing that I was never allowed the pedestrian ability to knot rope. Moral of the story, don�t wish for more wishes. It�s just going to get you into trouble. | |||||||||||
