2003-05-20 - 9:58 a.m. Can't Ball at all Why does 'dentist' have the highest suicide rate? I know that it�s hard and people only hate you, and you never give good news, but you make lots of money!! Don�t you think being a garbage man would be worse. You wake up to go take out the trash. FOR THE TOWN. Six days a week. Man. Ever holidays just mean you work on Sunday, and get the holiday off. Yippee. The Job, that if I had, I would expect to die by killing myself is being a Senator. Now I know what your thinking. �Gump, I know there is a lot of scandal and pressure, but think of all that power and wheeling and dealing. That�s gotta be something!� To which I say, �No fool, I am talking about the road team that plays the Harlem Globe Trotters.� Yes I am talking about the skinny white men who play hoops against the Globetrotters who typically put up about 30-45 points a night. And get blown out by nearly 80 points a night. Listen. I have been on the losing end of a lot of whooping sticks in my athletic career, but I always had hope. Even our despicable volleyball team won one game. (lost 15) But not the Senators. They have to play night after night, getting booed as they hit a layup, and watch as they get blown out in a humiliating fashion as a taller more athletic man drains a left handed hook shot from half court. I want to go to one of these games and be a Senator fan. I want to be that guy. Because, frankly a team without fans is just sad. I would yell things like. �He�s spinning it on his fingers�.just grab it� �Ref, he�s using a ladder, that can�t be legal� �That�s SO taunting.� �He bounce it off his head, that so illegal.� �He can�t shoot it from out of bounds� �SHOT CLOCK SHOT CLOCK. THEY ARE PASSING IT IN A CIRCLE� or if I wanted to be nice to my team I would yell �They got more money. We�ll get them next time.� �We need a salary cap in this league� �He�s draining hookshots from half court, you can�t defend that� �Don�t be afraid to foul� �Make them earn that� �Box them out� �You freaking retards play some defense� �STEAL THE BALL� �Shoot a three� �Why do you suck so much� �Why can�t you be a good team, just once, ONCE� �I hate you Senators. I HAVE ALWAYS HATED YOU� Yeah, okay, so I would eventually become a Globetrotter fan. I mean Christ, I�m a Red Sox fan, but even I have my limits on how much my team can suck. Plus the Globetrotters are just fancy. So the point is�what do these skinny white whipping boys have to live for. NOTHING. They suck and they aren�t gonna get any better. They don�t make much money. They are always on the road. Your parents come to games, and they can�t be proud. They just can�t be. You suck. I guess what I am trying to say, is that if I was a bench player for the Senators, I would eat a bullet. By that I mean shoot myself. Oh and the misconception that girls care more about looks, and that�s why they don�t shoot themselves in the face is bologna. It�s that guys don�t have the foresight to think ahead to their own funeral. If they had a little note attacked to the gun �Mom doesn�t want to see your head from here to Texas� I would take the pills too. That should be a marketing ploy. �Clorox, not as messy as a gun for solving teenage angst. And you don�t need a licenses to drink it!!!� | |||||||||||
