2003-10-17 - 10:00 a.m. Seventh Heaven --- Putting the Sox to bed. And so it ends� not with a whimper. But with a Boone. The Red Sox complete their circle yet again. This is what they do---and make no mistake, they are as good at this as the Yankees are at winning games. The Red Sox give hope. The Red Sox give you dreams of glory. The Red Sox come as close as a team can come to tasting the nectar of being the best, even if just for a moment. Then they take it away. This is what being a Red Sox fan is all about, and those out there that think that I am a misery, you are half right. I am. I am in pain, the city itself is hurt. But it�s stronger. We are battered women. We keep getting hurt. We keep getting beat. We keep threatening to leave our hopes behind us and accept the Red Sox will never win. But then they start winning. They tempt us with likable heros, with lovable moments, with amazing victories, and stunning resilience. They show us this glimmer, this moment of divine light that makes us think�maybe this time will be different. Then they take the lead pipe from behind the fridge after a long night of drinking and shatter our jaw. On my commute today, the train was empty. My office is missing more people than the day after Thanksgiving. People are in mourning. They need time to regroup because their hope has been crushed yet again by the vindictive, evil drunken man who is bigger than us and stronger than us. The same man who has no mercy, and ties us to the radiator with barb wire. The Yankees. And here is the part that no one understands. We want it this way. We will never leave this relationship. The Red Sox are who they are because they are constantly beaten. We need the bruises and the blood stains to remind us who we are as a team. We need the fractured arm and the broken spine to symbolize our love for baseball. It�s a sick twisted love. And without it, we would not be who we are today. _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ Things that are better than being a Red Sox Fan 1) Being hit by a bus 2) Kissing a Blowfish 3) Being stab through the eye by the blunt end of a fork 4) Having your girlfriend cheat on you with your dad 5) Having your penis cut off by a razor blade you left on your bed and accidentally sat down on right before having sex with Josie Maran. 6) POW camp 7) Selling you soul to the devil to get the penis reattached 8) Having your dog go rabid and killing your family, and then buring their bodies in the back yard, which you get blamed for and go to jail where you meet a guy named Molesta, who has a thing for you. 9) Being impaled by the American Flag at your wedding. 10) Eating Ice Cream Things That are worse than being a Red Sox Fan 1) Being a Yankees Fan (you spoiled bastards) 2) Working for George Steinbrenner (Just ask Zimmer) 3) Eating Derek Jeter�s first shit after he wins the world series� again 4) Running a Nazi Concentration Camp. 5) Going into an operation hoping to get your stomach stapled, by having it accidentally replaced with a bucket of lard. 6) David Schwimmer. 7) Having your mom do porn so that you have enough money to eat 8) Reading my diary 9) Thinking that someday the Red Sox might win one. 10) Falling to the floor in a fit of rage as you tell your girlfriend that you hope that Jorge Posada�s wife dies of a disfiguring disease, and that his children grow up to kill each other. (a little over the top, even for me) I had some pent up anger last night. But I can say this. You have read your last baseball entry until April of next year. This is a fucking Red Sox fan signing off. | |||||||||||
