2004-03-24 - 3:58 p.m. My Made Up Trip to England My "Trip" to "England" So I get on the plane and I fly to England. The plane ride was easy since it was just me and my girlfriend on my private jet. And when I got to England my first impression was �wow it�s pretty small�� And then we landed and it became normal size again. There we actually skyscrapers too, which was unexpected and pleasant. In the same way it�s unexpected and pleasant to run into an old girlfriend when you are trying to get laid at a motel. But I wasn�t trying to get laid. I was trying to survive. I know this was my holiday, but working as a Counter Ninja Nazi operative is a full time job. Evil doesn�t take holiday. Especially English Evil. (say that three times fast) Anyway, so in order of things I noticed about the city 1) Small roads 2) Small Cars 3) Big Prices In order of the things I noticed about the people 1) Bad Teeth 2) Women wear skirts a lot 3) Women aren�t the prettiest And so I was trying to hook up with some of them because I figured that ugly chicks in skirts is the way to go, when an Brit came up to me. He�s was looking all crazy and had no teeth and was drinking tea, so I was like, clearly this is a stereotype and so I quickly realized that something was amiss. See the POSION tea was the tip off. So I figured he was a ninja, so I used my ninja ray beam to reveal his costume. And then I once I realized that he was a ninja, I pushed he head off using the force. Yes, the force like in star wars�you didn�t think that was made up. It was made up. I made it up. And it only works for me. Just as the Ninja. He didn�t even see it coming. But that�s what you get for being a Nazi Ninja in England. Actually do you know that in England the food is suppose to be bad. It�s not that bad! The three things I learned are 1) Chicken is no good because its expensive and bad 2) Beef is cheap, like chicken, but angry. 3) Black Pudding is made from Pig Intestine and Pigs Blood. And don�t you dare get the Full English Breakfast. This is to the four letter word of three word phrases (catch that?) Yes. Indeed. After one night of sleeping with some chick this hotel server came into my room to offer me the devils delight... (if you are slow thats the FEB [ which to the REALLY slow is the Full English Breakfest]) I keep a knife next to my bed dipped in H1V positive blood, just to make sure that 10 years from now I will get him --if he got away. I admit, poison would be better, but there is something so 20th Century about mutating viruses. Since I was in England, calling it a �bloody knife� was rather appropriate. Well after I looted his corpse I discovered that he was in fact, not a Ninja Nazi, but at least that�s one less person in the world trying to hoc off the Full English Breakfast. You know when the English turn their nose to a food it can�t be good. So then I saw some sites, like the Eiffel Tower and the leaning tower of Eiffel. That was good. Then I slept with more English �women.� Dear Keira Knightly and Elizabeth Hurley, You are not English. You just can�t be. ~Gumphood. Now just to note, this is mostly for the white �traditional� English women. The imports (that being the people who were not actually born in England) bring a sense of style, grace, and dentistry that the Old World English don�t possess. So then I went home, and the flight was long. But despite that I skipped the dinner. You see I was assulated by another (or the same�) English Ninja Nazi. But this time he was more powerful like Obi Wan Kenobi when Vader killed him. (dork alert) Anyway the Ninja told me a few things. None of which were interesting. However I used up all my force power having sex, so I was screwed since I couldn�t bring my bloody knife on the plane. This is when he died, for you see he ate the fish dinner served on the plane, and as we all know, airplane food kills. Better Lucky than good I always say. So that was England. I got lucky�.so it was all good. | |||||||||||
