2003-05-09 - 11:25 a.m. Weather or not you like it 60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens. 50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe. 40 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down. 32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker. 20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt. Put away the Birkenstocks 15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold. Zero: People in Miami all die... New Englanders close the windows. 10 below zero: Californians jump the boarder to Mexico. People in New England break out their winter coats. 25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door. 40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors. 100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start the "kah". 460 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale). People in New England start saying..."Cold 'nuff for ya?" 500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Red Sox win the World Series | |||||||||||
