2004-04-09 - 2:24 p.m. Have a Happy Goddamn Easter you Varmits Okay, this is a long one, but since it�s the weekend, I don�t feel that bad. I hope you enjoy it. Read it in waves if you have too. There are lots of links at the end as well. Sorry about that. ________________________________ So yesterday, I told you about the girl and the ass thing. Well, I was talking with a cohort, and informed her that I think it�s a pretty funny thing. You know�to pee in another�s rectum. So I figured that I could market it. But not as some weird Amsterdam foot fetish thing, but as a tell off. Like the guy who invented �the bird� and by that I mean the middle digit and not our flying avian friends. Everyone know Alfred Hitchcock invented birds. Anyway, so with respect to This entry I think it would be a good idea to show you this shirt. To preface, the actual image design was done by Erika and the idea to make the shirt a Brown hypercolor that turned yellow when it was warm was all me. I don�t know what the margin is on hypercolors, but it would be worth it. ________________________________________ So the next thing is a survey that I found At Lucreatia�s diary about her ideal man. Well, even though I am from Massachusetts, Home of the Gay marriage, I don�t feel the need to describe my ideal man. So I will do my ideal girl. In this part, she listed like 50 qualities�I couldn�t do that, because I am stupid and shallow My Ideal Girl: 01. Hot 02. That�s it. 03. Well rich too so I don�t have to work. 04. But she can�t know that she�s rich cause then she will be crazy. 05. So like�a model who needs a manager so I can hide all the money, and don�t have to work. But she�s so hot she gets jobs anyway. 06. And has an extra arm so that she can be more talented in other areas. 07. But the third arm is hot. 08. And it only ADDS to the modeling career. 09. And like other girls want third arms, but can�t get them so like everyone is wicked jealous. 10. Hey, this is my IDEAL girl. I can settle for a girl without the third arm. Okay � that�s the top ten. The rest of the list got a little weird. I will continue. Basics... : Age: 20-24 forever. Height: I actually like taller girls, so I will go with like 5�10�. Her Car: She needs to have something hot, like a Berretta, or like a Mustang. And then a limo when I have to pretend to go to work. And like the limo HAS to have a hot tub. Scars: A small one across her face that makes her look like the joker, and bleeds from time to time. What the fuck is this question? Glasses: Glasses are hot. I would like her to buried in a glass container too, in my living room. Probably after she dies� Eyebrows: I like my women with eyebrows� Six pack: I am only worried about the six beers she SHOULD be holding when she comes over. Piercing: Whatever, but like, if you have like a half moon nipple thing or anything too weird, it�s just going to be strange. Or hot. Chest hair: I�m flexible. I suppose the more the better? Buff or skinny: How about we combine the two and just say Buffy. Has best friend: If she�s hot too� Big butt or little: No bigger than mine, which doesn�t exist. So none is my answer. Long or short hair: Long hair is gross. I like short, spikable hair. It can be a little shaggy or something, but not long...that's just ugly. Come on ladies�long hair is crazy. I mean what are you trying to be�girls? 1 or more girlfriends: Sounds good to me! Actually this is supposed to be boyfriends and I really don�t want to date a girl who�s been with more than like 3+ 1 per year out of college. So a 23 year old can have 4 boyfriends. Call me crazy, but a girl who burns through boys just isn�t appealing. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: Braces are so hot. I mean all that metal and rubber�it�s like a car in your mouth. I will cry the day they come off. Does she... : Smoke: unless you add a �kin� to that, then no. Drink: Unless you have had a problem with it, you better throw some back. . Swear: Only like every other word. In Boston, we call these people ladies. Hold hands: Only if she wants to or if I want to. But if we don�t want to then we won�t, unless we need too because she is fall off a bridge or something. Of course then she�d probably want to, but I might not want to, you know, if she wanted to before she fell. So maybe. Pay for dates: I would prefer if all dates were free. Clean her room: I will assume this isn�t a metaphor. In which case I don�t really care. There is a difference between messy and dirty. And again, that�s not a metaphor either. . Her cook or bake: Who cares. Love her mother: I would prefer if she hated everyone� Bring you flowers: Only at twilight. Use the word dude: I would prefer not. Take you to dinner: Whatever�this is awful. Use the word tight: Only on Sundays�this is going downhill. Watch chick flicks: Oh god� Kiss on the first date: Yes, unless she is a tramp. Watch the sun rise with you: Only if it�s about to explode�like my brain. Lay under the stars with you: Only if we are dead because the sun exploded. Call you hunny, sweetie, or baby: I like mouseface bathead. Holy shit�there is more!!! She is... : Outgoing or shy: Angry and Drunk Funny or serious: Seriously Funny Sarcastic or Sincere: Sa��hang me I actually like sports�and this is going to be paneful. (Look at how bad I spelled that!) Sports... : Ski: OMG. No. Yes. Surf: Absolutely not. Soccer: No, I don�t date girls who play soccer, unless they are girls. Baseball: This sucks. Football: I am actually going to say no, unless she is a kicker.. Snowboard: Only if she can fly Volleyball: death has never sounded so nice Basketball: Yes, they must play basketball otherwise I won�t like them as a person. Water polo: this one is weak! Skateboard: This is a sport? This has gone from funny, to desprate, to awful to ugly. Okay�I am ending this. I will just say as long as she is a three armed hot girl who writes me poems I will love her. Unless she�s poor. It�s the weekend so I don�t feel that bad about the entry being this long. But just in case you haven�t had enough of me, here is my review site which is updated. | |||||||||||
