2003-07-22 - 9:45 p.m. Uncle Pumpkin I really got to give a "shout out" to Uncle Pumpkin cause he wrote this, and I didn't say anything funny. I suppose this is his origin story. I think he is funnier than me, but less weird. GumpHood24: tell me you story Pik ukE 1: my story is a long one, true, but fantastical Pik ukE 1: It began when me was a little boy and all men wore hats made of cheese GumpHood24: CHEEEEZE Pik ukE 1: the cheese was brie, the hats were fedoras and the men were real men, not these sissy men you see today Pik ukE 1: they were all strapping lads with callused hands and broken noses from their days at the nose-breaking factory GumpHood24: Yeah...shit yeah GumpHood24: bring in more shit Pik ukE 1: the nose breaking factory was closed down due to poor sales as an influx of sissy young men ruined the market with their designer eyewear and non-dairy headwear Pik ukE 1: with the advent of the autocar there was little need for the real men anymore Pik ukE 1: so they sailed far away, to a land where monkeys and iguanas lived with a bitter, tenuous grip on peace GumpHood24: hahahahah GumpHood24: fucken Monkeys Pik ukE 1: their only tie being the marriage of the royal monkey prince to the most lovely iguana in all the land; Princess Maracas Pik ukE 1: so called because instead of eyes she had a pair of maracas which rattled with such force that they shook the very foundation of the iguana society whenever she laughed Pik ukE 1: obviously it was against the law to make the princess laugh GumpHood24: right Pik ukE 1: but the men didn't know this Pik ukE 1: and these were funny men GumpHood24: cause they had cheeze in their mugs Pik ukE 1: they told stories about the golden age of poo and the first time a man tried to eat his own shoes, but realized that instead of shoes he was wearing a pair of kittens on his feet, to which he was violently allergic and had to be hospitalized for kitten overexposure GumpHood24: hhahahaha Pik ukE 1: the princess overheard these stories and laughed until the very backbone of iguana society was on the verge of collapse GumpHood24: Dude GumpHood24: You fucken working it Pik ukE 1: the monkey prince, secretly working to destroy the iguana society for his fellow monkey brethren egged on the men by masturbating and throwing feces at them Pik ukE 1: but one chunk of monkey feces saw things a little differently than the rest GumpHood24: right, cause thats what the monekys do Pik ukE 1: he didn't see his existence as a joke GumpHood24: it had eyes? GumpHood24: ohhh GumpHood24: I mind GumpHood24: a mind Pik ukE 1: this piece of feces, which went by the name of Mcrnaomeampmleinofrhghatagn Pik ukE 1: because feces has a language all its own, unable to be pronounced properly by the human tongue GumpHood24: hahahahah GumpHood24: Fuck yea GumpHood24: Its talks in shitty tounges Pik ukE 1: this small poo, Mcrnaomeampmleinofrhghatagn, went on to do great things under the watchful eye of the men who befriended him and accepted him as one of their own Pik ukE 1: he made such a difference in the world, teaching the blind to make fun of the deaf, the deaf to make fun of the retarded and the retarded to make fun of each other Pik ukE 1: the men saw this and decided that he must be rewarded, so they fashioned him not a fedora of cheese, for his actions prompted more than such a meager rewarded GumpHood24: you spelled that right GumpHood24: again Pik ukE 1: he was given a crown made of pie and hoisted upon the mens' shoulders as the greatest poo ever to walk the earth GumpHood24: he walked GumpHood24: ...or more rolled? Pik ukE 1: the monkeys saw this as an affront, for they knew that poo never walked, they were merely thrown by monkeys Pik ukE 1: but the men disagreed Pik ukE 1: and so the war began between man and monkey Pik ukE 1: many a poo was thrown, by man and monkey that fateful day Pik ukE 1: Until one monkey stood up and cried out, his voice rocking the heavens "I bid all of you to stop and listen to what I have to say!" GumpHood24: They wmonkeys don't stand for that GumpHood24: now... GumpHood24: did the Iguansa join them? Pik ukE 1: The monkeys looked upon this lone monkey, who they all knew as one of the greatest monkey public speakers of all time and listened with rapt attention, for they knew this would be good Pik ukE 1: unfortunately the men didn't understand monkeytalk, so they kept attacking and because man-poo holds so much more density than monkeypoo the monkeys were quickly overwhelmed and subdued GumpHood24: oh no!!! Pik ukE 1: It was not long before the men set their sights on the ambitious iguanas who saw the fall of the monkeys as their chance to take over the land Pik ukE 1: but the men underestimated the iguanas and make fun of their tails and their licky tongues Pik ukE 1: the iguanas took all of this in stride and feigned obedience until one day a brave little iguana named Flav took the family rocket launcher, passed down from generation to generation in his family and wiped out most of the men in one blow Pik ukE 1: he then took their leader Mcrnaomeampmleinofrhghatagn captive and demanded to be crowned pie prince of Mitzkopotnak GumpHood24: hahah Pik ukE 1: Mitzkopotnak being the name of the island GumpHood24: Did he remmeber his roots? Pik ukE 1: Mcrnaomeampmleinofrhghatagn was not so easily cowed and told the usurper Flav that he could try his hardest to take power, but there was something Flav did not know and one day he would rue the day his ambitious nature took the best of him Pik ukE 1: What Flav did not know was that Mcrnaomeampmleinofrhghatagn had a son out of wedlock with one of the plethora of whoring sand crabs abundant to Mitzkopotnak GumpHood24: Flav is humam? GumpHood24: ohhhh GumpHood24: those slutty crabs Pik ukE 1: that son was quickly sent to safety off the island to grow strong and one day come back to avenge his father Pik ukE 1: that son's name was Uncle Pumpkin Pik ukE 1: and that's my story GumpHood24: hahahahha GumpHood24: that was...fantastic GumpHood24: ... | |||||||||||
