2003-07-22 - 4:30 p.m. Idiot Ads Well every now and then I take a look at the worthless ads. These are the ads where people post that they need help with something and are willing to pay you. Now usually its things like �I need help with moving.� or �I really want a roommate� or �Sleep Lab, get paid to sleep� However there is always a catch. Sometimes the catch is that the person you will be working with is an idiot. Most of the time its more insidious. As a quick example lets talk about the sleep lab. I tried this. I am a weird sleeper and they wanted me. Now they took blood, I couldn�t drink, no caffeine, and no sex. (Why no sex? I have no idea) However, the deal breaker was that they need to take my temperature at all times. I thought one of those diades they stick on runners when they are on the treadmill. Nope. They wanted to give me an anal probe. I almost hung up. Instead I asked, �What if I crap? Can I crap?� They said, �There is an orderly who will help re-insert it.� Game over�. So I figured for this entry we would take a look at some of the jobs being offered around Boston by the crazy anal probe people, who only get suckers. These are all Real. I'm looking for an upbeat organized person to help me bring order out of chaos in storage - belongings and clothes, etc. dumped in a commercial unit when I moved out of my apartment this spring. Some people have the knack - I find it incredibly tedious. Pay for you - no heavy lifing. I can pick you up. Need not be fancy or complicated. Just a way to get organized and stay in control of the details. Compensation: $10-12/hr. This is clearly a one armed man who throws pizza at the wall when he get upset at his local sports team. Dude, come on. Get yourself together. Call your mother and save the 10-12 and hour. I wonder how the negotiation process goes when debating the pay. Like, would I reveal to him I wasn�t super organized so I�ll take 10 dollars an hour instead of 12? No way man. This guy gets me to lie to him about me being some junior weight organizing champion. Next��.. We need someone to photograph our band at Harper's Ferry on 8/9. Perfect job for a college student. Must be 21+, preferably with some experience shooting live bands. Compensation will be free admission to the show, complimentary drinks and $20. Email me if interested. Justin Good lord. Do you have any friends? Christ this band must suck. They can�t get a photographer!!! Plus they are going to pay you in drinks. That�s a great idea. Get the cameraman nice and sloshed before he takes pictures of your shitty band. Those will come out greaaaaat. Plus, it ain�t like you can get the money back. Next���.. I need to put a plug/jack on my cable so I can hook it up to my cable box, TV and VCR. I don't have the tools, and I'm generally at work at the time the Cable guys drop by. So if anyone with experience wants to do this one evening, you can make a quick $10. Compensation: $10 plus cost of jack/plug Oh my god. We are talking about this guy here being the biggest loser on the planet. This is the type of guy who gives the Paper Boy an extra 20 dollars a week to bring the paper into him and wipe the food off his shirt. This guy better be blind or retarded. But I know he�s not, cause Blind people aren�t really a driving force on the internet, and a retarded guy would be able to do this task himself. Keep it coming��.. The California Cryobank is seeking healthy males aged 19 to 38 for the Cambridge branch of its anonymous sperm donor program. If you are currently enrolled in a four-year University or hold a University degree and can show proof (diploma, transcript, etc.) You could qualify for our program. Our donors receive free health and genetic screenings and are compensated between $600 - $900 per month. Whoa�.Daddy like!! Daddy like a lot. This is one of those ones with a catch. The catch probably is that you have had to star in 3 gay porns right before filling a jar to the quart line. Nevertheless, this one might get the call�. Top that one��. We are looking for a female exotic dancer to help teach our friend how to strip. This is for fun group of girls celebrating a bachelorette party. You must be available on the evening of Saturday, August 30th. If you have a location we could rent out (preferably with a pole!) we'd be interested. Please email me with interest and fee requirements. I hope the fee is sex? And I hope there is a pole there too!!! Mine!!! No catch here, just pure fantasy. This is how porn directors lure strippers into B-level porns. Which just happen to be H-level films. Well that wasn�t that bad�.. We are seeking guys between the ages of 25 and 34 who drink beer on a regular basis and who have NEVER before participated in a focus group to take part in a two hour discussion. These discussion groups are part of a national research study; participants will receive $75 cash in appreciation of their time and opinions. There will be several discussion groups taking place on the evenings of Monday, July 28th and Tuesday, July 29th at Bernett Research in Boston (times vary depending on your qualifications). Public transportation and free parking are available. Refreshments will be served. 2 things. First�Hmmm�.I wonder what the refreshment will be. 2) this is obviously a hidden camera show. They are looking for dumb guys who are drunk, who want to give their opinions. They are going to be hosed down with the quarts of semen that the previously donated. Well I have to go now. I got a few stops before I get home. ~Gump | |||||||||||
