2004-05-06 - 9:53 a.m. Ode To Friends Friends ends tonight. Can I be the first to say: �Thank Fucking God!!!� I watched the show at the beginning when it was on before Seinfeld. Actually there was �that show� in between Friends and Seinfeld that always got really high ratings, moved to another night, and then canceled. God I loved those middle sitcom piece of shit. There was this one where this guy was like a writer in a tiny new York apartment and he had a doorman, and like he couldn�t get laid, except this really hot girl would come over and make fun of him. Holy Crap that sucked. But not as much as Friends. May I raise my glass to the final career ending blow to David Schwimmer and Matt LaDuke, or whatever their names are. Joey and Ross were the anchors of the show. And by that I meant they dragged it down. I hate them. I never liked them. I have anger, but David Backstroke is not talented. He�s not funny, and he has only one thing going for him which is this nervous stutter laugh and confused look. Girls say it makes him seem �vulnerable.� The writing is not that bad on the show, and that is what has made is successful, but the actors are pretty weak. I mean for God sake, the only reason the �friends� weren�t replaced is because no one wanted to break a good thing. It�s too bad though � they could have gotten some talent. Also, I am angry because in High School girls always used to say �Gump you are just like Chandler hehe� Come on guys; They wanted to assign us into the Friends categories, and I wasn�t stupid so I am not Joey, I am not the dimmest man ever to walk the earth, so I am not Ross, and I am funny so boom, Chandler. When I start doing heroin and sleeping with transvestites, then I can be Chandler, okay? The girls on friends at least were somewhat of actors. I mean Cox had a Bruce Springsteen video, He-Man: Masters of the Universe and Ave Ventura: Pet Detective under her belt for this comedic role. Phebie, everyone�s favorite (because she got personality and not looks), is somewhat funny, for a hippie. Jennifer Aniston is the only sole talent on the cast, and she has done this mostly how I make myself look smart. I work with idiots. She�s the only non-assface in the cast and thus, the talent. So fuck Smelly Cat, Magnum PI, Supermodel guest appearances, and fuck Central Perk. Friends, you suck, you have been on 5 years too long. Every time I see Joey and Ross High-Five I cringe, and when Brad Pitt came on the show all I could think of was Fonzi jumping over that shark. And to those who like friends: finales suck. They wasted all their good material on season openers and cliffhangers. Saying goodbye isn�t funny. So don't watch. It's going to BLOW! You know, If I was a writer I would just have Joey kill Chandler for money and go to jail to be with his ambiguously gay lover Ross who beat up Rachael cause she has enough common sense to not join the Peebee-Monica reality TV show they thought of for helping the poor and the rich . Because then, if that happened -- maybe for the first time -- I might laugh. | |||||||||||
