2004-01-05 - 2:37 p.m. Meet the Roommates Meet the Roommates Meet Ready Ready is the Alpha Male roommate, who likes Country Music, Looking at his biceps, talking about doing things, and internet porn. Most often Mistaken for: A nice guy Key Attributes: Ready is a fairly snappy dresser who likes to have sex with girls, like most of the men his age. He sells phones, parties hardy, and is very loud when playing Soul Caliber II. Quote: �If me and Becca ever dated, we could ruin SO many parties.� Fatal Flaws: Ready is typically unable to properly react normally when faced with a problem such as �paying rent� or �taking out the trash.� He often dominates conversations and will make up things to make his life seem �extreme.� Though this might win Tim Burton and Oscar for �Big Fish� it will certainly not win Kevin any play. What he likes to do with a gun: Kevin likes to pretend that he is hunting something when he picks up a gun, but in actuality he�s being hunted by his creditors. His Room Looks Like: A Tribal Sex palace. Favorite Drink: Amaretto, Vodka, Bailey�s, and Kailua Mudslides. Best Moment: I can�t nail down one, but he�s been doing much better in the house, so I will say �recently.� **** Meet Lisa Lisa is a sultry vixen from the shores of Boston, who likes heavy metal, Kermit the frog, the Deftones, cuddling, and love. Most often Mistaken for: A goth nymphet Key Attributes: Lisa is most noted for her good cooking and good sense of humor. She wears lots of black and red, and will never turn down a good video game, but will often join up with a lot of bad ones. She is a shy girl, but isn�t afraid to kick you in the nuts. Quote: �If you do that one more time, dude, I will seriously kill you.� Fatal Flaws: Lisa has two �flaws�. The first is her insane fear of being locked in the house for extended periods of time, so she stores food and holds onto plastic containers as if we were about to enter a nuclear holocaust. You would think that at some point she was trapped in a blizzard and her parents were wolves. Her second flaw is when she makes me drinks. This is a flaw because I get drunk and then I eat said food. What she likes to do with a gun: One day this Charlie�s angle would like to learn to cock her gun. His Room Looks Like: A mish-mash of friends, retro toys, and rocking bands. I would say this is like a room if Rob Zombie and Jem got married. (yes Jem) Favorite Drink: Red Wine to the best of my knowledge, though I believe she likes Whiskey too. Best Moment: When her comforter dried despite our nay saying, and then she rubbed it in my face and said, �Look at that Gump, feel the clean!� **** Meet Gump Gump is a retired former Special Olympics athlete. He retired after achieving the bronze medal in the 100 yrd Freestyle medley. There were only two competitors that day, and Gump never even made it to the finish, so he was disqualified. He received the bronze for �not drowning.� The silver was given to the fan who saved Gump. Most often Mistaken for: A cool kid Key Attributes: Gump is the pack mule of Malden, most noted for being kicked in the balls, falling down the stairs, and drinking all the liquor until he feels his head can actually pass through the wall. To say that he is a cog in the gear of the Malden machine, would be equivalent to getting insurance on your Tonka Big wheels Quote: (the statement made directly before Lisa�s quote) �You have a boyfriend, You love him. You�re his soulmate. You want to kiss his soul. You want to cuddle with his immortal soul.� Fatal Flaws: The true question is: how is Gump still alive? His flaws are too many to name, but we will try. He can�t dress himself, he can�t level pictures. He is so bad at school that one time he cheated off his own paper, and then turned himself in. His left leg is three times shorter than his right leg. He can only walk in a circle without the assistance of a pogo stick. He can�t pogo. Scientist believe the only thing keeping Gump alive is his baboon heart which someday with free itself and return to the wild. But until that day, the land is cursed with the blight known as �The Gump.� What he likes to do with a gun: He likes pirate guns, and he likes to aim them with the wrong eye. His Room Looks Like: What would happen if Ikea met Kmart. Favorite Drink: Gump is a sucker for the beer. The cheap beer. Really cheap beer. Best Moment: When he won 7 straight games of Beirut, outlasting three partners, and four opposing teams. **** Meet Anniewaits18 Sharon is a California native with New York flair. You might make you think that this makes her ultra cool, but in fact she is a sucker for nerds. She can�t get enough of the crazy buggers. Overall though I think she likes people that can make her laugh, which is mostly herself. Most often Mistaken for: A Californian beauty princess. Key Attributes: Sharon is quite adept at settling in to new social situations. She is also very laid back. It seems like she took to the house very quickly and very nicely which is good news. She is also very helpful and is more than willing to listen to the problems of others. In return, she too, desires for her problems to be listened to. Quote: �He will not win. I can�t win. I haven�t given up yet. I will defeat him� (in regards to a text message war she was having with Kerbang, which Kerbang clearly won) Fatal Flaws: The two largest flaws of the one known as Anniewaits is this: her wonderwoman like tenacity and he shark like approach to life. She won�t give up, and she has to keep moving. She is being driven berserk by not working, and she never gives up on a fight no matter how horribly she has lost it. She will even maintain that she, in fact did not loose the fight, but she just ran out of time. What she likes to do with a gun: Though she doesn�t shoot it properly, Anniewaits has mastered the technique of lowering the glasses to look sexier. His Room Looks Like: A freshly moved into room, in which she hopes decorate when she get a job, and thus, money. Favorite Drink: Amaretto Sour. She enjoys these things, perhaps, a little too much. Best Moment: It hasn�t happened yet, but I am going to say �sometime this week, when she gets a job�. **** Meet Kerbang Kerbang is the opposite of Sharon (anniewaits). Where Sharon wants to work until she dies, Kerbang dies when he works. In between amazing film jobs right now, Kerbang is a novice smuggler in cyberspace, and plays games until I get up in the morning when he shuts his lights off and sets in for bed. Most often Mistaken for: A slacker. Key Attributes: Though previous thought to be a slacker extraordinaire, Kerbang is a man with a mission. That mission is to live a low stress life. He works when he needs to and chills when he doesn�t. He�s not interested in living the highlife, and is happy with a simple purchase of a leather jacket, or a nice new game. Quote: You are wrong, and I am right. The only reason you think you are right is because you haven�t listen to what I am about to tell you. Fatal Flaws: Kerbang can get stuck in the morass of inactivity but has proven to be able to spring out of it when needed. He is often late, and somewhat flaky, but for the most part his biggest flaw is when he and his brother fight. This is about the equivalent to seeing two professional wrestlers box. Think about how ugly �Stonecold� vs �The Rock� would be if they weren�t wearing tights and instead laced up the gloves. His Room Looks Like: A rug is the centerpiece that ties the room together. What he likes to do with a gun: Though Kerbang is a clean fellow, a little nostril digging never hurt anyone. Except if it�s with a gun. Favorite Drink: Sam Adams: Spring Ale. Best Moment: Scroll up to the picture. Scroll back down. Read quote, �You�re looking at it.� Here is a game for you to play that reminds me of Manic Mansion Here is a private entry. Email me or leave a comment if you want the password | |||||||||||
