2004-03-05 - 11:47 a.m. God 6 Godless God 6 Godless Two years had passed. I have been in a Catholic College for two years and I have completely avoid talking about God. There is just something about the topic that makes my stomach churn. In retrospect, I think it was like I had a box underneath my bed where a monster lived. I knew that it was in there but I refused to open the box. But the knowledge that it existed, and someday it would devour me started driving me mad. I didn�t have a monster in my life. I didn�t even have a girlfriend. I went to church from time to time, but it started feeling empty. I stopped going up to the front to receive communion. One time I actually didn�t wish peace back to someone. I didn�t do it because I hated them, but because I was jealous of the fire in their eyes that I knew was pure faith in the love of God. It had been so long since I last felt that, and unlike a person who was tortured or put through a death, my faith had slowly burned out. It seems like it wasn�t extinguished as much as the wick just began to run out. I felt like it had burned a hole right through me. I started thinking that this pain is the vacuum left over when you force God out of your life. I began thinking it was a punishment for me. The funny thing about Catholic School, at least on the College level, is that they force you to take religion classes, and most of the time this hurts your faith. There are the classes taught by Priests, and then there are ones taught by the regular people. At my school�the regular people were all atheists. Their higher level of education on religious topics somehow yielded them into not believing in God. This was strange because almost all my High School friends believed in God. My teacher over the semester told me a lot of things about Religion, and the history of religion, but to discuss the actual nature of God was taboo. In religion class I was never able to talk about it because the school didn�t want to promote that type of discussion! And the last place I expected to talk about religion was with my Calculus teacher. �I didn�t know that religion teachers would talk so little about the theories of religion? I know that the history is important, but it�s like trying to do math without problems.� �Well, the administration sometimes doesn�t want to have it�s student based enlightened. You�ll have to go to the Philo department if you want a discussion.� �Huh? What do you mean?� �I�m just saying that a Catholic school doesn�t want to shake up people�s faith.� �Well I don�t think that will be a problem,� and as I said that, I realized that it would probably be seen as meaning that I was a religious freak with unbreakable fervor, �umm�what I mean is my faith is already pretty shaky.� � I remember that can be very scary. Losing your faith.� �So I take it then that you lost yours?� �Mostly.� �What do you mean mostly?� �That�s pretty complicated but basically I think it�s extremely hard to let go of the concept of God. Religion has been around for a reason and I think it�s a natural feeling that you need to have.� �I don�t understand. I don�t know why I would need faith. I want faith. I want to be pious. It�s not a need.� �The best thing that I can say about it is my comparison between God and Santa. When you are young you learn both about God and Santa from your parents and a few of the people around you. Every Christmas you start hearing about this myth that is Santa, and you place pictures of him up, little statures. You wait the arrival of Santa, and then the next morning there are presents under the tree� �Jesus never gave me presents?� �I know, but one day you stop believing in Santa. You begin to realize that the presents are from your parents. You start to think that it just doesn�t add up. Santa can�t travel to all the houses? Where does he get all the presents? The US GNP rises in December from toy sales, which couldn�t happen if Santa made the toys, and if he buys them, what money does he do it with?� �Yeah, I know Santa�s not real, but I don�t see�� �Santa isn�t real because we see no evidence of him being real, but still some people insist that there is a Santa, or that there is a spirit of Christmas. They make the myth into a spirit and a reality. They make it into something that can�t be denied.� �Sure, people like Santa. He�s a giver without accolades. People like his humility.� �But he can be dangerious.� �A jolly old fat myth. Hardly a threat to society I would say.� �When I was little, I was told that Santa wouldn�t come if I misbehaved. Usually most of us were at some point, because it�s easy to curb children�s behavior through fear. Santa has a list�he knows when you misbehave. Santa was used as a moral watch dog.� �Yea, I guess that is bad, but�� �But the thing is when we dispel the myth of Santa, we no longer have to be concerned with that �list.� �Yes.� �What does Jesus teach?� �Um�the bible?� what a stupid answer. �I mean. He teaches about love and respecting others.� �Yes, which are great positive messages. Jesus taught some amazing life lessons and he help millions of people through his teachings.� �So what is the problem?� �Interpretations. Do you know what the term �the whole nine yards means?� �I think it�s a football term.� �It�s not. The term "the whole 9 yards" came from WWII fighter pilots in the South Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."� �Oh.� �My point is that Jesus doesn�t make sense. At least not to me. But people still need him. They desperately need for God to exist. And it�s the interpretations that wreck his message.� �I don�t think I understand. I am sorry. I am no good at math�and I am not following you.� �It will take time to sink in, but Jesus doesn�t make sense. Why after doing so much good with his teachings and his life would he allow the bible to be so full of interpretation? Why would God allow arguments spilt a church apart over the trinity, or transubstantiation? The bible, which started with Jesus protecting the meek and the less fortunate has turned into a tool used against gays, against other religions, used to promote people�s personal agendas. Scam artist prey on the weak while petafiles infiltrate the cloth.� �Free will?� �Free will is why Santa came to your house while you were sleeping, and wouldn�t come until you feel asleep. It�s a joke. We have free will because there isn�t anything guiding our path.� �Nothing?� �God is the unknown Gump. Every religion since society began uses a God to explain mysteries. God was invented to deal with reality. Jesus going to heaven gives us hope for an afterlife. But think about the afterlife. The idea is that if we are good here on earth, we don�t have to go to hell; but God even loves the people in hell because he loves everyone. It�s a two prong assault. First is the fear, to make you believe that hell is an awful place, while Heaven has a requirement list to enter. The second is the hope that even the most evil of us can repent and be forgiven. They are both methods to curb behavior and control people. Just like Santa and his Naughty and Nice list. You learned about both Santa and God from your parents probably around the same time�and now one doesn�t exist and the other does? How did you make that decisions? � �I don�t think I totally understand. But I will think about it.� �Actually do us both a favor and start thinking more about your next test. That last grade needs to not happen again and you work has been getting a like shoddy.� �okay�thanks again.� I walked off wondering what that meant. Why we need god to explain the unknown? Was that true? I thought about the times I need God the most, and it was at my worst. The times when I lost rationality, and need to deal with death or crisis. But that begs the question�do I need god to explain what I don�t understand? | |||||||||||
